Prior to seventh grade, like many kids my age, the vast majority of my musical tastes came directly from pop radio. Smack dab in the middle of 1980s, my American idols were Huey Lewis, Duran Duran, Michael Jackson and Madonna. When I reached seventh grade, my elementary classmates and I were lumped in with half a dozen other schools, forming one giant middle school melting pot. Suddenly, I was introduced to several new cliques including stoners, punks, and a group I tried to fit in with for a while, the skaters.

Louis wasn’t much of a skater, but then again, neither was I. The two of us met in science class, and quickly discovered that we both liked skateboarding. Louis lived in the trailer park a mile or so down the road from my neighborhood, so after school the two of us often got together and practiced our wobbily skate maneuvers on the sloped curbs just outside his home. Louis knew a couple of other skaters, two girls, who lived just down the street from him. Gail and Red would occasionally come down and watch Louis and I practice. Sometimes Gail would bring her boom box so that we would have music to skate to. Usually, she played the Violent Femmes.

Combining equal parts of folk and punk rock, the Violent Femmes self-titled album debuted quietly on the music scene in 1982. Despite being credited as the first “folk punk” album and essentially setting the groundwork for the ’80s wave of “alternative rock” which began a few years later, it took over ten years for the Femmes’ debut album to go platinum.

Violent Femmes (the album) explodes out of the gate with “Blister in the Sun,” one of the strongest and catchiest tunes on the disc (which, incidently, is currently being used to hawk Wendy’s Hamburgers). Throughout Blister’s two and a half minute running time, the album’s parameters are set: first-person lyrics set to aggressive acoustic guitars, creating powerful poppy/punky song structures with singable choruses.

Song subjects will seem familiar to anyone who spent a day in high school. The Femmes cover the highs and lows of love and life in great detail, with attitudes changing as quickly as those of teenagers themselves. From the defiance in “Kiss Off” to the depression of “Confessions,” the self-loathing of “Ugly” and the elation of “Good Feeling,” the entire spectrum of teens and the emotional conflicts they experience are expressed.

The longevity of the album can no doubt be attributed to the timelessness of the subjects it encompasses. Who hasn’t told a girl they can kiss off, only to later beg them to please, please not go. Feeling loved, feeling alienated, feeling accepted, feeling dejected … everything all of us experienced is here. In twenty-five years the Femmes have released eight studio albums. Their first was their best.

01. Blister in the Sun
02. Kiss Off
03. Please Do Not Go
04. Add It Up
05. Confessions
06. Prove My Love
07. Promise
08. To the Kill
09. Gone Daddy Gone
10. Good Feeling
11. Ugly (CD Bonus Track)
12. Gimme the Car (CD Bonus Track)

If all I knew about Two Minutes Hate came from their website, I would never have picked up this disc. Describing themselves as “your typical punk band” and citing bands like Bad Religion, Pennywise and Green Day as influences, I can honestly say I doubt I probably wouldn’t have given this CD, well, two minutes.

Fortunately for both the band and myself, Two Minutes Hate has done a particularly awful job of describing their sound via the web. Despite the band’s persistant claims of being “punk”, their sound is much closer to east coast hardcore (not surprisingly, the band is based in Baltimore). Maybe the band evolved faster than the website?

Sometimes Minor Threat, sometimes D.R.I., sometimes M.O.D., sometimes Biohazard, always aggressive, Strong and On contains twelve rapid fire tracks. Faster than Bad Religion and dirtier than Green Day, tracks range in style from the typical sing-along punk anthem (“American Blue”) to the thrash-inspired chunkfest (“Strong and On”). “Stomp of Approval”, the disc’s last track, reminded me of old Sick Of It All. “Two Minutes Hate” is a fairly accurate monniker; while the band’s two “epics” clock in at 3:30, a few of the tracks like “Fallguy” and “Perserverance” never reach the 90 second mark.

Recording quality is dirty, messy … and perfect for this kind of music. It’s the kind of production that gives bands street cred over record deals. It wouldn’t be hard to pick the album apart technically — some of the songs are mixed louder than others, and the guitar tone and level changes significantly on a few songs; however, I have a feeling Two Minutes Hate could give a shit about that. The focus here is on the energy and the attitude, something that does shine through and rises above any recording or technical difficulties.

Strong and On is what it is — twelve thrash influenced punk and hardcore tracks, averaging two minutes in length. While not particularly innovative (the album would have easily fit into the mid-80’s thrash/hardcore scene), Two Minutes Hate’s does everything right. What the band lacks in originality, they more than make up for with aggression and energy. Those looking for a nice throwback to the classic days of punk and hardcore should check this disc out. Oi!

Tracks:
01. Perseverance
02. American Blue
03. Strong and On
04. I See with Spirit
05. Harvest Rapture
06. Little Nathan
07. Beg to Differ
08. Mindlock
09. Fallguy
10. Separate Lives
11. Studs
12. Stomp of Approval

Tribute albums are a dime a dozen these days. They all have the same goal: get the names of lesser known bands out to music fans by covering songs of a better known band. It stands to reason then that all these albums have the same fault as well; none of the bands on these albums are as good as the bands they are covering. Everytime I skim the track listing of these tribute discs I always ask the same question — who ARE these people? These discs do nothing but make me want to listen to the original versions of the songs.

Leave it to me to want something original. A Tribute To ABBA by Nuclear Blast is just that — metal bands covering ABBA tunes. At least they solved the problem with me wanting to listen to the original versions.

I personally bought a guitar after hearing Motley Crue and Metallica. I can’t imagine anyone out there, especially musicians from established bands, publicly state that ABBA made them want to do ANYTHING music related, except jab drumsticks in their ears perhaps. And yet, the product is exactly as advertised — fourteen power metal bands taking a stab at some of ABBA’s “greatest” hits.

Sinergy’s “Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimmie!” is probably the most entertaining song on the disc. Listening to the guys beg repeatedly for “a man after midnight” never gets old. Other songs you may know include Rough Silk’s industrial version of “Take a Chance On Me” and Glow’s punkish interpretation of “Dancing Queen”. I can’t really say that I know any of the other songs.

The biggest problem here is that fans of any of these bands are probably not fans of ABBA, and vice versa — and you have to guess, neither are these bands. I’m sure it’s a rough day in any band’s career when they agree to appear on an ABBA tribute album. Maybe I’m wrong and there’s a whole movement of headbangers out there who are also closet ABBA fans, but sorry guys; I’m not one of them. If mixing power metal and ABBA sounds like a fun Saturday night then this was specially made just for you.

Tracks
01. Summer Night City — Therion
02. Thank You For The Music — Metalium
03. Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! — Sinergy
04. Money, Money, Money — At Vance
05. Voulez-Vous — Morgana Lefay
06. S.O.S. — Paradox
07. Take A Chance On Me — Rough Silk
08. Chiquitita — Spiral Tower
09. Eagle — Sargant Fury
10. One Of Us — Flowing Tears
11. Waterloo — Nation
12. Super Trouper — Custard
13. Knowing Me, Knowing You — Tad Morose
14. Dancing Queen — Glow

“Open up your mind. Open up your soul.”

So begins “Vader”, the opening track on Totimoshi’s third album, Monoli. Having enjoyed both of Totimoshi’s previous albums and the trio’s live show, I was both excited to hear the band had a new album coming out, and worried that they would not be able to maintain the energy level of their two previous albums. My fears were for naught. Monoli rocks.

Describing the band’s sound is like painting a train wreck in motion. I was all ready to rehash my Melvins and Sonic Youth comparisons, but as fast as I can write them, the band changes. While “Vader” could easily be a Melvins tribute, “The Pigs are Schemin” wraps itself around a heavily disguised rockabilly riff, while “Fancy Pants” reeks of Nirvana’s Bleach era and “You Know” reminded me of Beck. The only thing constant about Totimoshi is that they’re constantly changing — not only between albums and between songs, but throughout each song as well.

What makes Totimoshi so enjoyable is that you never know what’s coming next. The slow, bass-driven “Light Lay Frowning” kicks into a heavy ass “stop-and-go” chorus of guitars, only to be followed by a Latino-sounding solo. Unlike pop songs that you can sing along with the first time you hear them, Totimosho more resembles a haunted house. There are builds that go nowhere, riffs that pop out of the darkness, and that excitement you can feel in your heart of never quite knowing what lies around the next corner.

Everything about Monoli makes this the best of the band’s three albums. The band has obviously matured as musicans — the most noticable of which is Antonio Aguilar’s guitarwork and vocals. The band’s songwriting skills have improved as well. Totimoshi has mastered what always eluded the Melvins, a sense of continuity in their songs. The finishing touch on all this goodness is the near perfect production. The band manages to be remain thick without sounding muddy, a tough trick to pull off. The dynamics are captured beautifully here, especially in songs like “The Skies over Monolith Mountain”, where the grittiest guitar riff competes for aural space with a clean guitar attack.

Totimoshi is so fucking heavy they make me want to punch my mom in the face. They’re that good, I don’t know what else to say. Just like when Darth Vader killed Obi-Wan, I think Totimoshi has surpassed all the bands they refer to as influences. Now they are the master. It makes me cry to know people listen to Limp Bizkit instead of this.

Interesting. Evil. Heavy. Creative. Genius.

Totimoshi.

Tracks:
01. Vader
02. The Pigs are Schemin’
03. Fancy Pants
04. Light Lay Frowning
05. The Hero Released from Fright
06. Make Your Day
07. The Skies Over Monolith Mountain
08. Possum
09. You Know

Quick recap In 2002, Finlands Torture Killer (the band) forms, naming themselves after Torture Killer (the song), written and performed by Six Feet Under. After beginning as a Six Feet Under cover band, they eventually begin writing songs that sound like Six Feet Under, and release 2003s For Maggots to Devour. Sometime between then and now, things got even weirder as legendary death metal vocalist chris Barnes (of, you guessed it, Six Feet Under) actually joined the band (which, as youll remember, was named after a song his old band recorded).

Confused? Dont be. Torture Killers second album Swarm! picks up where the original left off. Ive said publicly many times that I dont care for death metal, but I shouldve been more specific. Apparently I dont care for technical death metal (those bands that play a million notes a minute over an endless supply of blast beats. Torture Killer, however, I like. Musically, the band is rooted in the mid-paced groove metal of the mid-90s. Dont get me wrong; its heavy, just not fast. The groove-oriented songs give the musicians room to breath and the songs space to pump and crush.

The lyrics are typical gore-filled fodder. Tracks like Obsessed with Homicide, Multiple Counts of Murder and Cannibal Gluttony probably wont appear on Christmas albums anytime soon. Of course, most of Barnes vocals are so gutteral that listeners will be hard pressed to make out any of the words, although Im pretty sure I heard the phase I stabbed you in your anus at one point.

While Torture Killers sophomore effort doesnt raise any bars, it doesnt lower them either. Those looking for a blood-filled romp through 35 minutes of chunky riffs will enjoy the bands offering.

01. Swarm!
02. Forever Dead
03. A Funeral for the Masses
04. Multiple Counts of Murder
05. Obsessed with Homicide
06. Sadistic
07. Cannibal Gluttony
08. I Killed You
09. Heading Towards the Butchery
10. A Violent Scene of Death

Six Feet Under’s latest release, For Maggots To Devour, is a technically perfect death metal album. While it doesn’t gain any new ground in the death metal genre, it doesn’t lose any either. Oops! Did I say Six Feet Under? I meant Torture Killer, of course!

Those who enjoy Six Feet Under (especially Haunted) will totally dig Torture Killer. There is nothing signifcantly different between the two bands’ performances, musical styles, production values or lyrical content. While this may sound like an insult, it’s not; Torture Killer is as tight and heavy as fuck. And since the band named itself after the Six Feet Under song “Torture Killer”, anyone expecting anything but a Six Feet Under tribute is kidding themselves.

The most uncanny similarity between the two bands appears in the vocals. While I’m no death metal expert, I would suspect that even season veterans would have a tough time distinguishing between Liuke’s and Chris Barnes’.

Musically, Torture Killer’s two guitarists team up by laying down some thick-ass mid-paced grindage. The bass is mixed down but serves its purpose as do the drums. Relying more on double kick drums than blast beats, the guys manage to deliver “heavy” on all nine tracks, which weigh in at just over half an hour total. Most of the tracks are introduced by samples from horror movies as well. The band’s performance is catapulted to the next level through the phenominal production. The recording quality of this CD is awesome. Anyone recording death metal (even the big boys) should be comparing their next album to this one.

Fans of the genre know what to expect lyrically. Songs like “Flesh Breaks to Open Wounds”, “Strangulation” and “Fuck Them when They Bleed” are unlikely to appear on any Time Life Christmas compilations any time soon. Lyrical content comes straight from Death Metal 101, and covers topics such as killing, necrophilia, cannibalism, torture … uh, did I mention killing? I guess I could get really specific and say there are songs about killing with knives, killing with guns, killing by torture, killing by strangulation, but you probably get the idea. Besides, if you’re like me, there’s very few vocals you’ll be able to make out without reading the lyrics, and to get to the lyrics you’ll have to get past the cover art which is a bunch of mutant demon babies eating a dead woman’s flesh in a pool of blood. I doubt seriously if anyone would buy this album and not know what they were getting into.

If you’re looking for cutting edge song-writing and the latest in death metal trends, you’re looking at the wrong album. If you’re an old-school death metal fan who dug Six Feet Under’s Haunted album, then For Maggots to Devour is for you. Torture Killer walks a fine line between honoring SFU and covering them, but if that style of music is your bag then eat up!

(The album, not dead people, of course.)

01. Flesh Breaks to Open Wounds (3:40)
02. Sadistic Violation (3:38)
03. Motivated to Kill (4:04)
04. Necrophag (4:00)
05. Fuck Them when They Bleed (3:02)
06. No Time to Bleed (3:38)
07. Torture to Death (4:13)
08. Gore Terror (3:44)
09. Strangulation (4:29)

I’m not one of those people who sit around and praise Tool. I think they’re a good band with a good sound and above average lyrics – so are a lot of other bands. When their videos were all over MTV, I personally thought they seemed more pretentious than entertaining. I have a couple of their CD’s and for the most part, I like the songs that got radio play and saw why the other songs didn’t. The groundwork I’m trying to lay here is that I’m not a Tool worshipper by any stretch of the imagination. With that being said –

This album is incredible.

Sonic soundscapes fill the disc from beginning to end. There’s not a dull or uninteresting moment to be found anywhere within. Songs build with massive power. Riffs grow into monstrous walls of sound, only to come crashing down around the listener at the end of each three (or four, or five) minute masterpiece.

Tool pushed the envelope of rock with 1996’s Ænema, when even the morons the song was about drove around singing, “learn to swim, learn to swim!” 2001’s Lateralus takes another step forward by using layers of guitars, incredibly complex drumming, Maynard’s familiar voice, and wraps it all together in a sound that is most definitely “Tool”.

And that’s the bottom line. Everything you love (and that I’m falling in love with) about Tool is here. Interesting lyrics mixed with interesting music. Tool offers up a nice balance of rockers and slower tunes on Lateralus. “Reflection,” an 11 minute laid back journey, is the only song that I ended up skipping the 2nd and 3rd times I listened to the album.

If you thought Schism was a highlight, just wait. The album opens with “The Grudge,” a hard rocking and very Tool sounding song that sets the pace for the majority of the album. “Parabola” is another great song that has the makings of a good single. “Ticks and Leeches” opens heavy, mellows out throughout the middle, and then comes back hard for it’s finale. The title track is another highlight.

There’s no sense beating a dead horse on this one. Tool fans will love it, Tool haters will not. Expect this album to be big, big, big. Despite what the band says, I can see several of these songs making it as radio singles. If you’re looking for something a little more intelligent than Kid Rock, sit down with this album for an hour.

One final plug – go out and buy this album. Napster does not do it justice. The CD comes out next Tuesday, and for your hardcore audiophiles, the vinyl version is expected mid-june.

“Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see there is so much more and
beckons me to look thru to these infinite possibilities.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn outside the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.” – Lateralus

01. The Grudge
02. Eon Blue Apocalypse
03. The Patient
04. Mantra
05. Schism
06. Parabol
07. Parabola
08. Ticks And Leeches
09. Lateralus
10. Disposition
11. Reflection
12. Triad
13. Faaip De Oiad

Tommy Lee has really stumbled into a no-win situation with his second solo album, Never A Dull Moment. If he puts out another shitty techno album, it’s simple. I slam the album and it’s all over. If he puts out a hard rockin’ classic metal album that rocks like the Crüe did, my job becomes a lot more tough. Is this the real Tommy Lee, and was the last album just an experiment? Or, was the last album what Tommy really wanted to record, and this new rockin’ album is just a way to appease the masses (aka: Vanilla Ice)?

Fortunately for us, Lee has released another shitty techno album, making everything extremely simple for the reviewers of the world.

Lee’s come a long way from the days of Mötley Crüe. Mötley Crüe had lyrics like “now I’m killin’ you, watch your face turnin’ blue” and “God bless the children of the Beast.” The first track of Lee’s latest album opens up with “We’re back again, let’s begin, never left you …” and “You know it’s on ’til the break of dawn …” Mötley Crüe also maintained a certain level of musical quality — even though they played hard, they played well.

For his second release, Lee has dropped the moniker ‘Methods of Mayhem’ (didn’t he get that tattooed somewhere? Youch.) and released Never A Dull Moment under just his name, Tommy Lee. Listeners may have been fooled until the moment they hit ‘play’ — this is Methods of Mayhem, part II (save for the fact that TiLo is no longer collaborating with him).

Actually … and this is hard to say … it’s not even as good as the last Methods of Mayhem album. Maybe good’s not the best word as we’re comparing two piles of crap side by side here, but let’s definitely say that the new album is not as aggressive. Four of the ten songs (“Hold Me Down”, “Ashamed”, “Blue”, and “Why Is It”) are slow power ballads. Four tenths. Forty percent. That’s a lot of slowness for such a seasoned rocker.

The problem is, Lee has surrounded himself with SO many people SO willing to suck his cock that no one will tell him the truth. If someone DOES dare to venture out an unfavorable opinion, they are immediately shot up with crack and then escorted out to the swimming pool — face down.

It’s like Janis Joplin releasing a instrumental album. It’s like Jimi Hendrix releasing an album containing only bongos. It’s like Lieutenant Dan being a spokesman for Nike shoes or James Earl Ray being elected the president of the NAACP. IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE! WHY on Earth would Tommy Lee, one of the greatest drummers of the 80’s and possibly of the rock era, put out an album on which he DOESN’T PLAY DRUMS.

One point I’d like to make is, I think this is another case of why it’s bad to own a music studio in your own home. You go into a studio paying $100 bucks an hour for some studio time, you’re gonna hopefully lay down some good music. You put a studio in your house where you can record whatever you want, whenever you want, without any of your peers or other people offering opinions or getting feedback from people, well, you’re gonna become Tommy Lee. And the world knows we don’t need another one. Go listen to Dave Navarro’s album; same problem.

“Face to Face” kind of rocks in weird sort of nu-metal way. Similarly, “Higher” (which also sounds like it may have (gasp) real drums in the background) is an up tempo song. But no one up tempo song could save this train from derailment. It’s still Methods of Mayhem. It’s still techno dance poppy rockish something. It’s not even enough to qualify as nu-metal. It’s not even metal. It’s just quick blasts of guitars layered over fake drums and Tommy Lee rapping into a computer. One more time, I said Tommy Lee RAPPING. And when he’s not rapping, he’s SINGING, and all I can say about that is, it really made me want to hear him RAPPING some more.

In eleventh grade I stood among a sea of mullets and watched Tommy Lee’s drum kit first rise, then float out over the crowd. I stood there, looking up in the air, watching a true hero of the genre pound the skins and play a massive drum solo as his drum kit flew over my head. I think that’s why this hurts so bad. It isn’t just the album, it’s Tommy. If nothing else, Mr. Lee has answered the burning question that at least I had — is this a phase, or is it all over for him? At least for me, I can officially give up hope now. There’s no happy ending here. Luke Skywalker doesn’t jump out and force Darth Lee to find the good in himself. It seems we’ve lost him to the dark side for good.

Final thought: If you put out a shitty album, don’t make it easy for a reviewer to slam your album name. There’s so many jokes that could be made out of Never A Dull Moment. For example, Plenty Of Dull Moments or Never An Exciting Moment both come to mind. At least give us a challenge!

Tracks:
01. Afterglow
02. Sunday
03. Body Architects
04. Ashamed
05. Face To Face
06. Fame ’02
07. Blue
08. Higher
09. Hold Me Down
10. Why Is It
11. People So Strange
12. Mr. Shitty

Every now and then a CD comes along that is so fun and goofy that you can’t help but crank it up and enjoy it, even if you have a smirk on your face the entire time.

Thor and Mick Hoffman’s rock odyssey Beastwomen From The Center of the Earth is about as campy as it gets. Thor (a former world class bodybuilder) is no stranger to camp, having produced such films as “Rock ‘N Roll Nightmare” and “Zombie Nightmare”. Over the past three decades, Thor has dabbled in different styles of rock music. On his latest musical venture, Thor has partnered with Mick Hoffman to present an entire multimedia experience to the public.

Beastwomen (the album) follows the story of Thor vs. Beastwomen from the Center of the Earth, the comic book. Those who like their rock grandiose and over the top will love songs like “Break the Ice” and “Sleeping Giant”. Some songs are more rock, others are more opera, but they’re all cheese. What makes it even more enjoyable is that the entire production is presented 100% on the level. There’s no nod, no wink, no subtle gesture to let the listener know that Thor and his crew are any less than completely serious. Think of Thor as the William Hung of rock operas — except that I ain’t worried about William Hung kicking my ass after reading my review.

Thor and Mick Hoffman each brought half-a-dozen songs to the table. Each performer’s songs alternate, so the album almost seems like a split EP with shuffled tracks. According to what I’ve read online, Thor also collaborated with eleven guest writers on his songs. The final results are a little scattered, but if you’re worried about that you’re missing the point — and the mighty power of THOR!

If you’ve ever played Dungeons and Dragons and thought afterwards, “damn that adventure would have made a great song!” then run (don’t walk) to the nearest record store and pick up a copy of this album today. Beastwomen from the Center of the Earth is kind of like Danzig without the evil. It’s cheezy as hell and way over the top, but it’s also something that most modern releases aren’t any more — FUN.

High Anxiety is Therapy?’s tenth album in just over as many years. 1994’s album “Troublegum” was a instant classic, mixing small elements of pop, punk, thrash and metal with big parts of rock. Ever since then, fans have been waiting for the band to repeat the magic. This time around, it sounds like they may have finally done it.

Therapy? kicks off the disc with “Hey Satan — You Rock”. “Wanna spend my whole life drunk/never wanna give a fuck/Wanna walk through gates of heaven/backstage pass in hand.” Amen, brother. While not the best track on the disc, “Hey Satan — You Rock” sets the tone for the rest of the album. Rockin’ songs that don’t beat around the bush.

The album continues on in heavy rock format, almost a’la Entombed. Every track on the disc could easily be a single. There’s no ballads and no sleepers. Every track changes the formula up a bit, something Therapy? has been doing their entire careers. There’s funk, there’s punk, there’s even metal junk. If it seems like I’m trying to avoid labelling this band, I am.

High Anxiety is a true return of the band. Nine years after Troublegum, the boys in Therapy? have returned to form and released one of the biggest surprises of the year.

Tracks:
01. Hey Satan – You Rock
02. Who Knows
03. Stand In Line
04. Nobody Here But Us
05. Watch You Go
06. If It Kills Me
07. Never Ending
08. My Voodoo Doll
09. Limbo
10. Last Blast
11. Rust
12. Drug Run