Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)
There’s something inherently disturbing about Christmas-themed horror films. The holidays are a time of year when most people spread goodwill and exchange gifts, so I can see how a killer axe-wielding robot dressed in a Santa suit may not be suitable for everyone’s holiday party. For those who aren’t opposed to a little blood sprinkled over a fresh blanket of snow, Christmas Bloody Christmas might just be right up your chimney.
The setup to Christmas Bloody Christmas is criminally simple. A fleet of robots acquired from the US Defense Department have been repurposed as “RoboSanta+” units, designed to replace “degenerate mall Santas.” Unfortunately for just about everyone in their vicinity, the RoboSanta+ units have a flaw that occasionally causes them to revert back to their previous military programming, turning them into ho-ho-horrible killing machines.
The film stars Riley Dandy as Tori Tooms, the twenty-something owner of a local record store whose only goal this Christmas Eve is to get drunk and hook up with a random stranger on Tinder. Robbie, one of Tori’s employees, convinces her that drinking and hooking up with him would be less work. On their way to Tori’s the pair make a few stops, one to meet Tori’s friends who are having their own drunken and drug-fueled party at the local toy store, and another at the local bar. Along their journey Tori and Robbie drink, do drugs, and drop more f-bombs than Santa drops presents. The majority of the first act is spent introducing us to future victims.
The film wakes up the same time RoboSanta+ does, and unfortunately for our partying friends at the toy store, someone left a sharp axe a little too close to their robotic Santa. Before the couple knows what hit them, RoboSanta+ hits them. (Like, with the axe.) Soon, ol’ RoboSanta sets its laser sights on Tori and, with a belly full of Christmas spirit, anyone who makes the mistake of getting in its way.
The movie’s low budget hasn’t affected the cinematography. The film, shot on 16mm, looks great. The sets are highly stylized (seemingly every store and bedroom has neon lighting) and the synthwave music sounds like it came straight out of an 80s slasher. The film thankfully eschews CGI and serves up a series of practical (and very bloody) kills as RoboSanta makes his way through town. That being said, it doesn’t take long to see where the budget went and where they skimped. The film’s medium-sized town only seems to have about a dozen citizens, only about half of which are played by actual actors. According to IMDB’s trivia section, one is the writer/director, one is the producer, one is the costume designer, and one is the art director.
As fun as the movie is to watch, it’s also incredibly shallow. I can get over the fact that RoboSanta+ units spontaneously wake up and “break bad” (although it would have been nice to have some some inciting event — being struck by lightning worked for both Short Circuit’s Number 5 and Chopping Mall’s Killbots), but what’s never really explained is why this particular RoboSanta+ is after Tori. Its pursuit of her is unstoppable, just like the Terminator and Michael Myers, but in both of those cases we know why. Just a little bit of work in the story department could have elevated Christmas Bloody Christmas.
In the end, Christmas Bloody Christmas perfectly emulates an 80s slasher film. Unfortunately, like most of those films, it’s pretty forgettable.