One of the signs of a great album is being able to remember exactly where you were the first time you heard it. In the fall/winter of 1994 I was working at Best Buy, and had wandered out of the computer department (where I worked) over to the music department. Someone had put Corrosion of Conformity’s Deliverance into one of the listening stations, so I slipped on the headphones and pressed play. I stood right there for the next sixty or so minutes and listened to the entire album from start to finish, an act that I’m pretty sure got me written up.

Corrosion of Conformity’s fourth album Deliverance picks up where Blind left off. A departure from the band’s early hardcore/thrash sound, Blind and Deliverance are straight up heavy metal. Originally hailing from North carolina, the band’s southern roots really begin to show through on Deliverance. This is in part due to the addition of Pepper Keenan, who joined the band prior to 1991’s Blind and took over as lead vocalist for 1994’s Deliverance.

One of the things I have always loved about this album is the wide range of songs it contains. Right up front, Corrosion of Conformity hit you with three classics in a row. Starting with the hard hitting “Heaven’t Not Overflowing,” the band moves into “Albatross,” a laid back grooving riff that contains a definite NOLA vibe, and moves from that into “Clean My Wounds,” a punchy, mosher’s dream. The rock continues with “My Grain” and “Senor Limpio,” a song that contains the classic lyrics “So hard to be a fighter when your hands are always tied” (followed by, “I wish I had myself a dime for everytime I cursed your god damn name.”) The album controls the pace by interspersing these tracks with slowed and tuned down jams. Later in the disc we get the album’s title track, a song that brings things full circle with another distorted groovefest complete with a sing-a-long chorus.

Deliverance isn’t perfect. “Shake Like You” lacks a hook and it’s over-digitized vocals are annoying, and “Shelter,” by all counts a country song, feels out of place and all but kills the disc’s momemtum. The CD ends with “Pearls Before Swine,” another track that hits but isn’t as memorable as many of the previous tracks.

Many bands mistake “heavy” with “fast,” a mistake that COC does not make. While many of the riffs on Deliverance are slow and brooding, they are all powerful; in fact, the band here sounds a hundred times heavier than they did on “Animosity,” shedding The Sex Pistols for Sabbath.

Deliverance is a must-own album for any fan of Corrosion of Conformity, Down, southern rock or heavy metal in general.

01. Heaven’s Not Overflowing
02. Albatross
03. Clean My Wounds
04. Without Wings
05. Broken Man
06. Señor Limpio
07. Mano de Mono
08. Seven Days
09. #2121313
10. My Grain
11. Deliverance
12. Shake Like You
13. Shelter
14. Pearls Before Swine

For those of you who hate nu-metal, hate teen angst, and hate bands with DJ’s, let me save you a few minutes of your time. Simply click the “back” button on your browser and pick another review. You won’t like Comadose. They’re opening for Vanilla Ice’s heavy metal band Bi-Polar later this month. If you think that’s a good thing, read on.

Comadose’s Re-Up could use a little polishing, but overall it should stand shoulder to shoulder with other albums of this genre. (Think 40 Below Summer or Primer 55.) The formula should be pretty familiar to you nu-metal fans by now. Loud drums, (heavy on the toms), palm muted guitars, plenty of rapping verses followed by screaming choruses, with a few DJ “wicky-wicky” sounds lightly sprinkled over the top. Stir, bake, cook until done, build a local following and sell on the web.

Not that there’s anything bad here, there’s just not much new either. The musicianship on the album is actually pretty good. The two guitarists (Worster/Ackroyd) split the stereo channels for some interesting guitar separation. Occasionally the two revert back to the Korn school of guitar playing (one plays rhythm, the other makes sound effects), but for the most part the duo offer up a two channel palm-mute attack which they pull off pretty well. Martin (bass) for the most part lines up behind the rhythm guitar, but occasionally takes the lead riff in a song or two. Jacob Brown on drums does a great job. The drums are loud and mixed right up front, with decent separation and nice tones. Roberge’s vocals are also perfect for this style of music; his raps are quick and crisp, his screams are loud and rough. The DJ scratching and samples (Cicchetti) don’t detract from the music too much. If you like that sort of thing, it’s there, and if you don’t, it’s not terribly distracting. The samples play nicely, but some of the scratching seems out of place. About the only bad thing I can say about the recording is that the mix is pretty bass heavy. I messed with my EQ for a few songs until I got rid of the muddyness. If they sell enough copies of this CD, I’m sure they’ll have it remastered. The highs are really crisp and distinct, but to hear them you’ll either have to crank up the treble or turn down the bass.

The band doesn’t break a lot of new ground lyrically either. “Buzzkill” is about “not being able to break them”, “Junkie” is about addiction, “Velcro” is about trying to part from a bad relationship, and “Slampig” is about “getting back in the pit”. While none of these songs are destined to be turned into novels anytime soon, I’m sure that’s what kids these days want to hear about. I used to think no one would be able to break me either, but then I got a haircut and started wearing a tie so I could get a job better than Pizza Hut. Junkies are junkies and bitches are bitches, so get over it. I’m too old to go in the pit anymore. Damn, I’m getting old. And cranky.

What’s wrong with Comadose? Nothing. In fact, it’s almost as if a nu-metal cookie cutter fell from Heaven and cut out the perfect “angry cookie”. There’s 0% learning curve here – fans of the genre will pop this CD in and leave it there for quite a while. It’s pretty familiar territory, but sometimes that’s a good thing.

With only 7 songs lasting a total of 28 minutes, the album feels more like a sampler than a full length effort. Comadose is doing everything right and chalks up some great experience with this album. Re-Up is good – and I’ll bet their next effort will be great. Definitely worth the $10 asking price from their website. Good stuff coming out of the northeast. They’re currently planning a Midwestern tour that begins early next year, so keep an eye out for them on the road.

Tracks:
01. Buzzkill
02. Junkie
03. Velcro
04. Slam Pig
05. Numb Skull
06. Cushion
07. Pain for Pleasure

“Woe to you, oh Earth and sea, for the Devil sends the beast with wrath because he knows that time is short. Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is a human number. It’s number is six hundred and sixety six…”

When I was in sixth grade, my grandma bought me three posters from a local thrift store. One was of Freddy Kreuger. One was a tour poster for Metallica’s Kill ‘Em All tour. The third was Iron Maiden’s “The Trooper” poster. I had no idea who Iron Maiden was, but with a poster like that, they had to be cool — almost as cool as my grandma.

Like the other DVD’s in the Classic Albums series, Iron Maiden: The Number of the Beast takes a look at the behind the scenes of Maiden’s seminal album. Through interviews with rock journalists, producer Martin Birch, and the band members themselves, the people responsible for creating the breakthrough album. As Bruce Dickensen explains in his interview, this was the album that separated Iron Maiden from all the other NWOBHM bands on the scene.

The documentary goes through the album song by song and allows the band members to tell the stories behind the songs. Trivia nuts such as myself will get a kick out of the back stories of such songs as “The Prisoner”, “Number of the Beast” and “Run to the Hills”.

While the DVD does contain some video and concert footage, the meat of the disc lies within the interviews. During one story on the disc, it is revealed that the band was paid nothing to record the album. In fact, at the exact moment the band found out their album had hit the charts, they were pushing their broken down tour bus down the road. There are also a lot of great stories about the backlash the band encounted from religious groups after The Number of the Beast was released.

Like the other Classic Albums DVD’s I’ve seen (Metallica’s self-titled album and Pink Floyd’s The Dark Side of the Moon), Iron Maiden’s also contains samples from the original master tapes. Throughout different segments, you’ll get to hear various drum tracks, guitar solos and vocal performances separated out from the rest of the music.

Although the documentary is less than an hour long, it’s jammed full of facts and information that any Maiden fan or simply any fan of that era will enjoy. The DVD contains another 30 minutes of extras, including more interview segments, more Maiden footage, and a couple of short takes of Adrian Smith playing riffs from “The Number of the Beast” and “Children of the Damned”.

If you like “Behind the Music” specials and/or care anything at all about Iron Maiden, this DVD is for you. The Classic Albums series is a must have for fans.

Giving the finger to basically every musical trend that’s happened over the past two decades, Circle II Circle’s debut release Watching in Silence neither apologizes for nor tries to hide its obvious 80’s metal roots.

Vocalist Zak Stephens picks up exactly where he left off with Savatage three years ago. Stephens vocals are a major factor of the music, with lots of focus placed on his big, multi-layered harmonic choruses. Backing Stephen’s pipes are some very able musicians. While every note on the album is crisp, clear, and precise, nothing really stands out. Despite how professional each riff sounds, I couldn’t hum a single one of them once the disc was over.

Even with Stephen’s vocals in the mix is the piano. Yeah, that’s right. Tracks like “Forgiven” and “Watching in Silence” open with big piano movements before any rock kicks in — and that’s using the term “rock” pretty liberally. The majority of the tracks on Watching in Silence wouldn’t sound out of place on your average light rock radio station.

Other tracks, like “Lies” and “Out of Reach”, do actually get up to speed. However, even full tilt isn’t that aggressive. Stuck in a musical time warp, the heaviest stuff on the disc reminds me of Savatage-lite, or even mid-80’s Whitesnake. The rest of the tracks (like “Walls”) sound like Styx in their piano-heavy years!

Circle II Circle is best on “Circle”, where a fiery solo falls over a chunky riff with poppy drums filling in the holes. Unfortunately the brilliance is over almost as quickly as it appeared, and it’s right back to even more power metal ballads.

Most of Watching in Silence can be described as dreamy, relaxing … and unfortunately, boring. The few shining moments don’t make up for the wait. Maybe best described as “Dream Theater without the double bass, guitar talent, or sheer speed,” Circle II Circle performs exactly like a circle by ending exactly where they began, by taking listeners nowhere during this musical journey.

Tracks:
01. Out Of Reach
02. Sea Of White
03. Into The Wind
04. Watching In Silence
05. Forgiven
06. Lies
07. Face To Face
08. Walls
09. The Circle
10. F.O.S.

It’s fast, but not too fast. It’s brutal, but not too brutal. It’s heavy, but not too heavy.

Ok, strike that last part. It’s pretty damn heavy.

Hailing from Cleveland, the six members of Chimaira have built a solid fanbase over the past three years. Their hard work and dedication began to pay off after an appearance on Farmclub.com got the ball rolling. Appearances on two compilation albums (ECW’s Anarchy Rocks and a Cure tribute titled Disintegrated) and intense touring got their name out to even more people. Like the mythological creature of the same name (but different spelling), Chimaira lies in the shadows, ready to take over the world.

Their debut album, Pass Out Of Existence, could help them do just that. Pass Out Of Existence contains 14 brutal tracks that I GUARANTEE will put Chimaira on the map. They are the best band of this genre I’ve heard to date.

What genre is that? That’s a question easier to ask than to answer. Rapid blasts of kick drums, futuristic sounding keyboards and an intense vocal presence will almost certainly draw comparisons to Fear Factory. That’s not a bad thing. Where Fear Factory’s songs are either extremely mechanical or extremely non-mechanical, Chimaira mixes the two approaches fluently in each song, presenting a driving yet emotional sonic attack to the listener. Pass Out Of Existence takes the genre further than Fear Factory has over their last five albums. The thought of what Chimaira will be doing five albums from now gives me goosebumps. The dual guitars and keyboards give Chimaira an extra “thickness” that other bands are often missing — and yet, the band is amazingly tight. The band remotely reminds me of early Machinehead and Vision of Disorder, with maybe even a touch of Sepultura, but make no mistake, Chimaira is not a direct copy of anything I’ve ever heard.

This disc contains no filler. Each song is as aggressive and brutal as the last. Although the band has obviously invested a lot of hours into developing it’s own “sound,” each song is unique. Mudrock (producer, Godsmack, Powerman 5000) has done a good job of focusing on the differences between the songs and bringing those slight differences out. While the songs are always changing things up, it’s still straight forward rock – no Meshuggah-like time changes here or anything. Good, good stuff. The only break you’ll get while listening to this album is by using your pause button — from beginning to end, this disc does not let up.

A few months ago I went to an Ill Nino/Factory 81 show, and walked away a Chimaira fan. Ill Nino, Factory 81 and 40 Below Summer all put on good sets that night, but Chimaira totally blew me away. It was very similar to the first time I stood in front of Slayer and watched them play live. Part of me wanted to mosh/jump/hop, but I was too afraid of missing even one drop of their performance. Their live performance sounded great, and the CD sounds even better.

I could spend hours coming up with witty metaphors and beating around the bush, but let me instead use the direct approach: Chimaira has managed to crank out the best album I’ve heard this year. Not since Pantera’s Vulgar Display of Power have I actually planned on skipping work to go pick up a new album. Ten out of ten. Five stars out of five. Two thumbs up. What else can I say?

I’ve done my part. Chimaira has done theirs. Now it’s time for you to do yours. Check out their website, listen to the songs they have available online, and pick up your copy of Pass Out Of Existence on October 2nd. Beat the rush. Go early.

Tracks:
01. Let Go
02. Dead Inside
03. Severed
04. Lumps
05. Pass Out of Existence
06. Abeo
07. Sp Lit
08. Painting the White to Grey
09. Taste My
10. Rizzo
11. Sphere
12. Forced Life
13. Opinions
14. Jade

“Uh hi, it’s me again. Hey, I forgot to ask you, where would you like to go eat? Because I know this great Mexican restaurant, like it’s brand new you know, and like on Wednesdays they have all the tacos you can keep down for a dollar. (Pause) Oh, you dont like Mexican food? (Pause) Oh. You don’t like Mexicans.” – Cheech and Chong, Love is Strange

Throughout the 70s and 80s, Cheech and Chong’s drug-related albums and movies struck a chord with hippies and stoners everywhere. After the release of 1980’s Let’s Make a New Dope Deal, the pair focused their attention on films for half a decade before recording one last album together, Get Out of My Room.

A lot of things had changed between 1972 (the date of the pair’s debut album) and 1985’s Get Out of My Room — one of them being Nancy Reagan’s War on Drugs. As a result, the duo’s drug-fueled humor for which they were known is greatly toned down here — in fact, I can’t remember a single specific drug reference on the entire album.

Get Out of My Room contains both skits and original songs. The first half of the CD (originally, the first side of the record/tape) is the Dorm Radio side, on which two amateur college DJs broadcast “live from the basement of the science building.” There are three Dorm Radio skits, with original songs and skits appearing between them. In one skit, two businessmen talk business in a sushi bar as strange items keep appearing (including “Whale Anus” and “Half-Live Baby Seal”). The original songs include “I’m Not Home Right Now” (an ode to answering machines), Love is Strange (Cheech’s desperate attempts to land a date) and the only hit single from the album, Born in East LA (which Cheech later turned into a film without Chong).

The second half of the disc opens with The Music Lesson, a skit where two struggling British punk musicians give music lessons to a retarded boy (which they proceed to electrocute). We’re then taken to the Stupid Early Show (hosted by Stupid McCupid and Early Williams), an excuse to play silly commercials and radio bits. The disc culminates with Stupid and Early’s interview with the two punk musicians and the debut of their new single (the first heavy metal snuff tune”), Get Out Of My Room (And Leave Me Alone).

Despite this being Cheech and Chong’s last studio album together, it’s the first one I personally owned, and the album that introduced me to the pair’s humor. Long time Cheech and Chong fans complain that this album is weak and that the music reeks of the 1980s; as a fan of 80s music, I didn’t find the songs terrible, and personally, if you’re looking for the pair’s drug-related jokes there are at least seven other albums and probably as many movies with that stuff in it to pick from. Maybe it’s my own nostalgia, but I thought and think that Get Out of My Room is worth a listen. And, almost 20 years after its original release date, the album has been released on CD. Now, get out of your room and go pick it up.

01. Born In East L.A.
02. Dorm Radio I
03. I’m Not Home Right Now
04. Sushi Bar
05. Dorm Radio II
06. Love Is Strange
07. Dorm Radio III
08. I’m A (Modern) Man
09. The Music Lesson
10. The Stupid Early Show
11. Warren Beatty
12. Juan Coyote
13. Radio News
14. Get Out Of My Room

“Shunt,” the opening track on Centrifuge’s Visions Old, Feelings Cold, begins with eight kick drum beats in twelve seconds. Watch a second hand on the next clock you see to find out just how lumbering that is. At 1:40 into the song, we hear the first hint of a voice — some thickly chorused clean vocals, lightly draped over a non-distorted guitar riff, a slower than usual bass track, and that same steady, penetrating kick drum. That conglomeration continues until almost three and a half minutes into the song, where we really get our first glimpse of what Centrifuge is all about. A wall of fuzzed-out power chords hits us, moving so slowly that it’s frustrating. At four minutes, all four elements finally come together — the haunting, echoey vocals, the thick, murky guitar, the totally nasty bass, and the cumbrous drums — and form something awesome.

Unlike bands like Meshuggah where changes jump out at listeners from behind every riff, Centrifuge spends their time building the foundation of each song solidly. “Shunt” doesn’t actually begin rocking until somewhere around the 5:30 marker, and keeps it up for another two minutes before breaking apart back into its individual elements. They might spend a minute just establishing the drum beat. Got it? Ok, let’s move on to the bass. With five tracks stretching across almost 40 minutes, the band has no problem erecting a presence and laying down solid foundations for each song.

While the songs are constantly changing, none of them do so unnaturally. Unlike, say Metallica’s …And Justice For All, here the changes can almost be predicted. The songs aren’t long for long’s sake; the tracks are taking you on a journey, and whatever the length is just happens to be how long it takes to get “there” — wherever there is. The most beautiful part of the album occurs during songs like “Underneath”, where part A takes you to B, B transitions to C, C then moves into D. Right around that time you begin to notice that D has nothing to do with A, and yet it makes sense that you’re there, somehow. Nothing on Visions Old, Feelings Cold is circular; nothing ends where it began. Everything has a definite beginning, journey, and ending.

The slow pace of the album physically and mentally wears you out. After the first listen I felt like I’d been working out for an hour. Sweat was running down my face, and I literally felt exhausted. Fortunately on track four, Centrifuge offers a bit of relief with “Bleeder,” the most upbeat track on the disc. That’s all the break you’re getting, as track five hits us with the ten minute title track, combining lessons learned from the previous four tracks. The build, the bass, the heavy (oh my God the heavy), the repetition — it’s all here.

Centrifuge’s style of doom has more in common with Neurosis than it does with Black Sabbath. While most albums I listen to tend to inspire or excite me, Centrifuge’s Visions Old, Feelings Cold left me hot, thirsty, sweaty and exhausted. I couldn’t tell if my heart was going to stop or burst. What is this? Sludge? Heavy Rock? Doom? Sludge? What is Visions Old, Feelings Cold like? It’s like walking against the wind in a dream. It’s like wading through waist-high mud or snow. It’s like pushing a car. Uphill.

I can’t wait to do it again.

Tracks:
01. Shunt
02. Ethanol
03. Underneath
04. Bleeder
05. Want, Fear, Believe

Old rockers never die, they just … change their image, sound, and lineup, and keep on rockin’. Such is the story with Britney Fox, the 80’s hair band who’s single “Girl School” won them some fans and got some MTV airtime. After 12 years of silence, Britney Fox has returned with Springhead Motorshark — sans original lead singer Dizzy Dean Davison.

Although Britney Fox has moved away from the classic 80’s metal sound that lumped them in with the likes of Cinderella and Warrant, they haven’t moved away from making decent music. The album kicks off with “Pain”, a middle of the road rocker that is great for a warm up, but unfortunately sets the pace for the rest of the album. Musically and lyrically, there’s nothing too deep here. The band rocks along with a little bark but not as much bite as I would have liked. There were several songs I enjoyed, but they all seemed to come from the same cookie cutter — a used one from the 80’s.

And like every old 80’s album, we get a couple of slower acoustic tracks thrown in. They’re not bad, but in a world where most love songs have “bitch” or “ho” in them, I don’t think tracks like Is It Real? will win the kids over.

After twelve years away from the recording biz, it feels like Britney Fox has lost touch with their fans. It’s a decent effort, but after 12 years of being away, Britney Fox should have cranked it into overdrive for this one. While everything on Springhead Motorshark is good, nothing on it is great.

01. Pain
02. Freaktown
03. T.L.U.C. (For You)
04. LA
05. Springhead Motorshark
06. Is It Real?
07. Coup D’etat
08. Far Enough
09. Lonely Ones
10. Memorial
11. Sri Lanka

I had most of this review mentally written even before I had heard the album. The introduction was going to state that Brides of Destruction is the new group featuring Nikki Sixx (Motley Crue) and Tracii Guns (L.A. Guns). The review would then go on to compare Here Come The Brides to previous Motley Crue and L.A. Guns albums. Finally, it was going to talk about how much I love 80’s metal and how awesome the new Brides of Destruction album was.

Unfortunately, the review didn’t turn out that way. I had hoped that the collaboration between Sixx and Guns would bring out the heavier side of both musicians. Instead, both seem content in writing and releasing nine tracks of poppy rock. That doesn’t make it bad, but it wasn’t what I had hoped for.

Musically, the album goes out of its way not to break new ground. Most of these songs would have a hard time finding a home on any hard rock radio station, and a couple could jump right to the adult contemporary stations.There are a couple of rockin’ songs, but more often than not I found myself skipping around and looking for something heavy, catchy, or even likable.

While Tracii Guns’ solos shine on tracks like “2x Dead”, his talent doesn’t flow over into the main riffs. Likewise, Sixx’s basswork is decent as expected, but the lyrics are at times embarassingly bad. In “I Don’t Care”, the band begs, “I don’t care/What I got to do to love you/I don’t need/I need you to love me too.” In “Natural Born Killer”, the chorus is filled with a bunch of “Nah Nah Nah”‘s and enough “Heys” to make Rob Zombie jealous. “Life” is a hopelessly generic song about not wasting your life. “”This is life/Once again/It’s been knockin’ at your door/You outta let it in/Don’t waste it/It’s time you face it.” The lyrics read like something I would have thought was cool in sixth grade … which, when I come to think of it, would have been when I was listening to Shout at the Devil.

Part of the problem for me was that vocalist London Le Grand’s never seemed to sell any of the songs. The guy sings, but seems devoid of any personality. He sounds like a million other singers.

Don’t be fooled by the cover of Here Come The Brides — there’s nothing here heavy enough for Headbanger’s Ball. While technically the album is sound, it lacks bite. I had hoped for Shout at the Devil and got Theater of Pain. Tracii Guns has a few moments of brilliance (particularly in the solos on “Revolution” and “Only Get So Far”) and Nikki Sixx puts together a few catchy chord changes here and there, but strip the famous names from the album and you’d have to change the band’s name from Brides of Destruction to Bargain Bin Widows.

01. Shut The Fuck Up
02. I Don’t Care
03. I Got A Gun
04. 2 Times Dead
05. Brace Yourself
06. Natural Born Killer
07. Life
08. Revolution
09. Only Get So Far

Every musical trend has two stages.

The first stage is when a new sound or style is created. Whether or not you like them, I’m using Korn as an example. When I first heard Korn, they didn’t sound like anything else I had heard at that time. Once an album like this gains popularity, stage two will quickly follow.

The second stage begins when a million other bands jump on the bandwagon. Korn had an innovative sound; Linkin Park does not. When Korn first came out, you couldn’t say “they sound like [insert band here]”, because frankly, they didn’t sound like any other band out at the time. Now, of course, when describing Linkin Park, you can say, “they sound just like Korn, except …” and add your own caveats.

There are a few musicians however that are so desperate to regain stardom, popularity, and probably income, that they will do whatever it takes to regain the spotlight. They will totally change their musical style and image to shed their past and try and hop on whatever bandwagon is out there. You can always tell when they’re getting really desperate, as they’ll grab any artist with any credability whatsoever, and do “collaborations”.

There are three big examples I can think of off of the top of my head. The first, and king, is Vanilla Ice, for doing this not once but two times. After his original gig went up in smoke, Ice reinvented himself as a hardcore rapper, only to later reinvent himself as a nu metal act. Ouch. The second example I can think of is MC Hammer, who after staring bankruptcy in the face, came back as just “Hammer”, and gave up his dance act for a tougher gangster image (and later dropped that for his holy act). Notice how this never seems to work?

The third member of this trinity is Brett Michaels, lead singer of Poison.

I make no apologies for my past (and present) love of hair metal bands. It’s okay to love butt rock, people. Motley Crue’s Generation Swine might not rock, but Shout at the Devil did, and still does.

But, back to the hair rocker at hand. Brett Michaels has released another solo album, this one titled “Show Me Your Hits – A Salute to Poison.” I can only imagine “A Salute to Poison” means “money for Brett.” I doubt very seriously CC DeVille is getting a fourth of this disc’s profits (not that a fourth of the profits, or even all of them, would probably pay a month’s rent.)

I would tend to think someone like Brett Michaels could whip out pop songs on a whim, but instead of coming up with some new original offerings, Michaels retreds on safe ground with 11 tracks that even casual Poison fans would be familiar with. The more I listen to it, I’m wondering why the hell this was even recorded? None of the versions are better than the originals. If you liked the originals you’re not going to like these versions, and if you didn’t like the originals chances are you’re not going to be checking out this disc anyway.

Slaves on Dope, Great White, and Pauly Shore are just a few of the people Michaels collaborated with on this disc. Of course, I had to figure this out by checking the web, because the booklet that comes with the CD doesn’t have much more than song titles and a small thank you section.

Note to self: If you have dug such a hole so deep in your career that you feel the need to use PAULY SHORE to help pull yourself, give it up. Lots of us have worked in fast food restaurants, now it’s your turn.

Musically, this CD is all over the map. Slaves on Dope puts out a very nu metal sounding “Look What The Cat Drags In,” so if you want to hear Brett Michaels scream “Look what the cat … DRAGS … IN … ARRRRRRRRGH!” then this is the song for you.

It just goes on and on and on. Talk Dirty To Me is presented as a sloppy punk song. I Want Action has some of the worst production ever heard (imagine a slow, muddy mix with the bass turned all the way up and the speed turned down to half speed). The most confusion part is, most of the rest of the songs sound very close to the originals. Most of the guitar work is close, but not dead on. It’s like when you’re playing guitar in your room, and you play along with the easy guitar riffs, and when the hard part comes along, you just play the easy part some more because well Hell, no one’s listening. Well guess what kids, when you play guitar on a Brett Michaels solo album … wait, no one’s still listening, nevermind.

The album’s strangest moment appears on track 7, with Pauly Shore singing lead vocals on “Unskinny Bop,” which he reworks into “Unskinny Cock.” Ya know, on a Pauly Shore album, maybe funny, but on this it just comes off as just another sad moment. To say that he’s no Weird Al is probably the understatement of the century. Shore throws in lines like “let me hear all the mother fuckin’ dogs out there!” Wow, is that from this decade? Is it even from the last? The first line of the song is, “What’s got you so stony?” Is he still talking like that? He also says stuff like “Fuck da ho, It’s all about bitches and money ya know”. Again, if this is what you’re counting on to pull your career back, it’s time to learn how to say such cool phrases as, “you want fries with that?”

Brett Michaels has a recording studio in his home – I can understand that. He wants to have some fun with some friends, and re-record some versions of his old songs for fun. I can understand that. Then, for some reason, he puts those on CD, and puts it up for sale. You lost me there.

This disc was a late 2000 release, and just showed up on eMusic for download. I went to Brett Michael’s homepage – no mention of this album. I went to Cleopatra’s homepage – no mention of this album. I searched CDNow for information on this disc – no mention of this album. Maybe everyone already knows what I said in my review about the disc.

You know, I will defend 80’s hair metal until the day I die. Maybe not the Trixters and the Firehouses of the group, but stuff like Motley Crue, Ratt, LA Guns, Twisted Sister, and other bands of that ilk still rock.

But with releases like this, it makes it harder and harder for me to keep defending it.

Tracks:
01. Look What The Cat Dragged In
02. Talk Dirty To Me
03. Fallen Angel
04. Something To Believe In
05. Nothin’ But A Good Time
06. I Want Action
07. Unskinny Bop
08. Stand
09. So Tell Me Why
10. Doin As I Seen On My TV
11. Every Rose Has Its Thorn