Zombie vs. Ninja (1989)
Zombie vs. Ninja
1987
How on earth can you screw up a movie called Zombie Vs. Ninja? Every word in the title gives us such hope: there are zombies, there are ninjas, and they will be fighting against each other. What could go wrong?
A lot, apparently. Zombie Vs. Ninja isnt even a movie in the traditional sense; its a conglomeration of two films: an older Chinese film about an undertaker and his apprentice, and a newer film starring white guys in ninja outfits who wear headbands that say NINJA across the front. If youre wondering how people from two different movies interact, basically they dont. When they do, outdoor scenes from both movies are spliced together to make it look like each group of people are in the same forest, sort of.
The plot, and stop me if youve heard this one before, involves a Chinese guy who decides to learn Kung Fu in order to avenge his fathers death. Last year I bought a box set of 30 Kung Fu movies, and that was the plot of over half of them. Fathers Day must be a horribly depressing time in the Far East. The rest of the film involves cuts between the Chinese film (which appears to have been made about a decade before the ninja footage) and the Ninja film, which contains a bunch of white guys wearing sheik headdresses and Ninja headbands. It should be noted that at no time does a Ninja ever fight a Zombie.
The fight scenes arent bad and if you put this movie on in the background and just watch the battles, you might enjoy it. If you actually try to follow the plot you should probably remove all sharp objects from your immediate vicinity as the urge to carve out your eyes will be strong.
Like many bad ninja movies, this one is known by a slew of names, one of which is Zombie Rival – The Super Ninja Master. Check out the trailer below, but be warned: the trailer makes this movie look 100,000x better than it really was.