Banana Splits Movie, The (2019)
I’m going to say this up front — The Banana Splits Movie is not terrible. To be more specific, it’s no more terrible than any of the hundreds of other straight-to-video/SyFy-distributed horror films I’ve watched. It’s only problem — and it turns out, a big one — is that it’s a terrible “Banana Splits” movie.
“The Banana Splits Adventure Hour” was an hour-long Hanna-Barbera television show that aired in the late 60s and early 70s. It was a kid-friendly variety show (think “Laugh-In”) starring four animals — Fleegle (the beagle), Bingo (the ape), Drooper (the lion), and Snorky (the elephant) — played on-screen by adults in mascot-like costumes. The show consisted of live action skits along with animated cartoons, musical performances by the Splits, and other nonsense. The takeaway here is that the Banana Splits were revered by a generation of children who grew up watching them.
In real life the Banana Splits went off the air in the early 70s, but in the alternate universe in which The Banana Splits Movie takes place, the Splits were (and are) a real-life television show that allows kids and their parents to attend live tapings. In this same universe, the anthropomorphic Banana Splits are, underneath their fun costumes, robots. It boggles the mind why millions upon millions of dollars worth of advanced robotics would be used when paying human beings minimum wage to perform in funny suits would suffice, but no one in the film seems to question it, so neither should viewers.
The movie opens on Harley’s eighth birthday, and although a big deal is made of the fact that he is “too old” to still enjoy the Banana Splits, his parents gift him five tickets to a live taping of the show. Another big deal is made of the fact that Harley’s friend Duncan is sick and can’t come along, and so his mother has made arrangements for another friend (Zoe) to attend the taping with Harley’s family. By the way, there’s no payoff for any of these little details. We never meet Duncan, the fact that Zoe came instead of Duncan doesn’t change anything, and the two eight-year-olds (despite being “too old” for the show) are literally the two youngest people in the audience. These are all red flags that you should probably check your brain at the door before continuing.
From the onset it’s obvious not all is well with the Splits. When one of them receives a corrupted code update (the code literally changes from green to red on screen), whatever bug has been introduced is serious enough to turn this gentle robotic performer into a violent animatronic killer. And when his robotic cohorts learn (along with the staff) that the show has been cancelled, they too turn homicidal. Not all the animatronics receive the corrupted code, but they all seem on board with hacking up staff members and children, and that’s what’s important.
After the taping ends, a handful of (un)lucky groups are invited to an after-show meet and greet. Along with Harley and his family, the other invitees include a father desperate to get his daughter into showbiz, and a social media-obsessed couple. This, along with the show’s staff, gives the now homicidal Banana Splits more than enough victims to work with. Anyone who’s seen more than three horror movies will have no problem figuring out which members of the cast will last long enough to see the closing credits.
If murderous animatronic animals roaming around in the dark sounds familiar, you may have heard of Five Nights at Freddy’s, a popular video game franchise. According to the IMDB trivia section, The Banana Splits Movie script was originally pitched as a Five Nights at Freddy’s film; when licensing fell through, the script was recycled, Freddy was out, and the Splits were in.
The Banana Splits Movie isn’t a mystery and wasn’t particular scary. Instead, the entire pitch seemed to be, “wouldn’t it be funny to watch adult-sized animals killing people,” and at least on that level, the film delivers. Someone gets cut in half. Someone gets decapitated. At least two of the kills are on par with the Saw franchise. If you have been patiently waiting for a film in which a giant beagle burns a man’s face off using a cigar and an aerosol can, boy did you hit the jackpot.
For the average horror fan, The Banana Splits Movie is a fun romp. The push back will not come from horror fans, but fans of the original Banana Splits. Take any beloved franchise from your childhood and imagine that character doing the absolute worst thing possible. Few people want to see a movie in which Mr. Rogers becomes a serial killer, or the denizens of Sesame Street become kidnappers. The film gains little (other than shock value) from attaching itself to the Banana Splits franchise, and instead has to potential to distance viewers because of it.