Quick recap In 2002, Finlands Torture Killer (the band) forms, naming themselves after Torture Killer (the song), written and performed by Six Feet Under. After beginning as a Six Feet Under cover band, they eventually begin writing songs that sound like Six Feet Under, and release 2003s For Maggots to Devour. Sometime between then and now, things got even weirder as legendary death metal vocalist chris Barnes (of, you guessed it, Six Feet Under) actually joined the band (which, as youll remember, was named after a song his old band recorded).

Confused? Dont be. Torture Killers second album Swarm! picks up where the original left off. Ive said publicly many times that I dont care for death metal, but I shouldve been more specific. Apparently I dont care for technical death metal (those bands that play a million notes a minute over an endless supply of blast beats. Torture Killer, however, I like. Musically, the band is rooted in the mid-paced groove metal of the mid-90s. Dont get me wrong; its heavy, just not fast. The groove-oriented songs give the musicians room to breath and the songs space to pump and crush.

The lyrics are typical gore-filled fodder. Tracks like Obsessed with Homicide, Multiple Counts of Murder and Cannibal Gluttony probably wont appear on Christmas albums anytime soon. Of course, most of Barnes vocals are so gutteral that listeners will be hard pressed to make out any of the words, although Im pretty sure I heard the phase I stabbed you in your anus at one point.

While Torture Killers sophomore effort doesnt raise any bars, it doesnt lower them either. Those looking for a blood-filled romp through 35 minutes of chunky riffs will enjoy the bands offering.

01. Swarm!
02. Forever Dead
03. A Funeral for the Masses
04. Multiple Counts of Murder
05. Obsessed with Homicide
06. Sadistic
07. Cannibal Gluttony
08. I Killed You
09. Heading Towards the Butchery
10. A Violent Scene of Death

Six Feet Under’s latest release, For Maggots To Devour, is a technically perfect death metal album. While it doesn’t gain any new ground in the death metal genre, it doesn’t lose any either. Oops! Did I say Six Feet Under? I meant Torture Killer, of course!

Those who enjoy Six Feet Under (especially Haunted) will totally dig Torture Killer. There is nothing signifcantly different between the two bands’ performances, musical styles, production values or lyrical content. While this may sound like an insult, it’s not; Torture Killer is as tight and heavy as fuck. And since the band named itself after the Six Feet Under song “Torture Killer”, anyone expecting anything but a Six Feet Under tribute is kidding themselves.

The most uncanny similarity between the two bands appears in the vocals. While I’m no death metal expert, I would suspect that even season veterans would have a tough time distinguishing between Liuke’s and Chris Barnes’.

Musically, Torture Killer’s two guitarists team up by laying down some thick-ass mid-paced grindage. The bass is mixed down but serves its purpose as do the drums. Relying more on double kick drums than blast beats, the guys manage to deliver “heavy” on all nine tracks, which weigh in at just over half an hour total. Most of the tracks are introduced by samples from horror movies as well. The band’s performance is catapulted to the next level through the phenominal production. The recording quality of this CD is awesome. Anyone recording death metal (even the big boys) should be comparing their next album to this one.

Fans of the genre know what to expect lyrically. Songs like “Flesh Breaks to Open Wounds”, “Strangulation” and “Fuck Them when They Bleed” are unlikely to appear on any Time Life Christmas compilations any time soon. Lyrical content comes straight from Death Metal 101, and covers topics such as killing, necrophilia, cannibalism, torture … uh, did I mention killing? I guess I could get really specific and say there are songs about killing with knives, killing with guns, killing by torture, killing by strangulation, but you probably get the idea. Besides, if you’re like me, there’s very few vocals you’ll be able to make out without reading the lyrics, and to get to the lyrics you’ll have to get past the cover art which is a bunch of mutant demon babies eating a dead woman’s flesh in a pool of blood. I doubt seriously if anyone would buy this album and not know what they were getting into.

If you’re looking for cutting edge song-writing and the latest in death metal trends, you’re looking at the wrong album. If you’re an old-school death metal fan who dug Six Feet Under’s Haunted album, then For Maggots to Devour is for you. Torture Killer walks a fine line between honoring SFU and covering them, but if that style of music is your bag then eat up!

(The album, not dead people, of course.)

01. Flesh Breaks to Open Wounds (3:40)
02. Sadistic Violation (3:38)
03. Motivated to Kill (4:04)
04. Necrophag (4:00)
05. Fuck Them when They Bleed (3:02)
06. No Time to Bleed (3:38)
07. Torture to Death (4:13)
08. Gore Terror (3:44)
09. Strangulation (4:29)

I’m not one of those people who sit around and praise Tool. I think they’re a good band with a good sound and above average lyrics – so are a lot of other bands. When their videos were all over MTV, I personally thought they seemed more pretentious than entertaining. I have a couple of their CD’s and for the most part, I like the songs that got radio play and saw why the other songs didn’t. The groundwork I’m trying to lay here is that I’m not a Tool worshipper by any stretch of the imagination. With that being said –

This album is incredible.

Sonic soundscapes fill the disc from beginning to end. There’s not a dull or uninteresting moment to be found anywhere within. Songs build with massive power. Riffs grow into monstrous walls of sound, only to come crashing down around the listener at the end of each three (or four, or five) minute masterpiece.

Tool pushed the envelope of rock with 1996’s Ænema, when even the morons the song was about drove around singing, “learn to swim, learn to swim!” 2001’s Lateralus takes another step forward by using layers of guitars, incredibly complex drumming, Maynard’s familiar voice, and wraps it all together in a sound that is most definitely “Tool”.

And that’s the bottom line. Everything you love (and that I’m falling in love with) about Tool is here. Interesting lyrics mixed with interesting music. Tool offers up a nice balance of rockers and slower tunes on Lateralus. “Reflection,” an 11 minute laid back journey, is the only song that I ended up skipping the 2nd and 3rd times I listened to the album.

If you thought Schism was a highlight, just wait. The album opens with “The Grudge,” a hard rocking and very Tool sounding song that sets the pace for the majority of the album. “Parabola” is another great song that has the makings of a good single. “Ticks and Leeches” opens heavy, mellows out throughout the middle, and then comes back hard for it’s finale. The title track is another highlight.

There’s no sense beating a dead horse on this one. Tool fans will love it, Tool haters will not. Expect this album to be big, big, big. Despite what the band says, I can see several of these songs making it as radio singles. If you’re looking for something a little more intelligent than Kid Rock, sit down with this album for an hour.

One final plug – go out and buy this album. Napster does not do it justice. The CD comes out next Tuesday, and for your hardcore audiophiles, the vinyl version is expected mid-june.

“Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see there is so much more and
beckons me to look thru to these infinite possibilities.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn outside the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.” – Lateralus

01. The Grudge
02. Eon Blue Apocalypse
03. The Patient
04. Mantra
05. Schism
06. Parabol
07. Parabola
08. Ticks And Leeches
09. Lateralus
10. Disposition
11. Reflection
12. Triad
13. Faaip De Oiad

Tommy Lee has really stumbled into a no-win situation with his second solo album, Never A Dull Moment. If he puts out another shitty techno album, it’s simple. I slam the album and it’s all over. If he puts out a hard rockin’ classic metal album that rocks like the Crüe did, my job becomes a lot more tough. Is this the real Tommy Lee, and was the last album just an experiment? Or, was the last album what Tommy really wanted to record, and this new rockin’ album is just a way to appease the masses (aka: Vanilla Ice)?

Fortunately for us, Lee has released another shitty techno album, making everything extremely simple for the reviewers of the world.

Lee’s come a long way from the days of Mötley Crüe. Mötley Crüe had lyrics like “now I’m killin’ you, watch your face turnin’ blue” and “God bless the children of the Beast.” The first track of Lee’s latest album opens up with “We’re back again, let’s begin, never left you …” and “You know it’s on ’til the break of dawn …” Mötley Crüe also maintained a certain level of musical quality — even though they played hard, they played well.

For his second release, Lee has dropped the moniker ‘Methods of Mayhem’ (didn’t he get that tattooed somewhere? Youch.) and released Never A Dull Moment under just his name, Tommy Lee. Listeners may have been fooled until the moment they hit ‘play’ — this is Methods of Mayhem, part II (save for the fact that TiLo is no longer collaborating with him).

Actually … and this is hard to say … it’s not even as good as the last Methods of Mayhem album. Maybe good’s not the best word as we’re comparing two piles of crap side by side here, but let’s definitely say that the new album is not as aggressive. Four of the ten songs (“Hold Me Down”, “Ashamed”, “Blue”, and “Why Is It”) are slow power ballads. Four tenths. Forty percent. That’s a lot of slowness for such a seasoned rocker.

The problem is, Lee has surrounded himself with SO many people SO willing to suck his cock that no one will tell him the truth. If someone DOES dare to venture out an unfavorable opinion, they are immediately shot up with crack and then escorted out to the swimming pool — face down.

It’s like Janis Joplin releasing a instrumental album. It’s like Jimi Hendrix releasing an album containing only bongos. It’s like Lieutenant Dan being a spokesman for Nike shoes or James Earl Ray being elected the president of the NAACP. IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE! WHY on Earth would Tommy Lee, one of the greatest drummers of the 80’s and possibly of the rock era, put out an album on which he DOESN’T PLAY DRUMS.

One point I’d like to make is, I think this is another case of why it’s bad to own a music studio in your own home. You go into a studio paying $100 bucks an hour for some studio time, you’re gonna hopefully lay down some good music. You put a studio in your house where you can record whatever you want, whenever you want, without any of your peers or other people offering opinions or getting feedback from people, well, you’re gonna become Tommy Lee. And the world knows we don’t need another one. Go listen to Dave Navarro’s album; same problem.

“Face to Face” kind of rocks in weird sort of nu-metal way. Similarly, “Higher” (which also sounds like it may have (gasp) real drums in the background) is an up tempo song. But no one up tempo song could save this train from derailment. It’s still Methods of Mayhem. It’s still techno dance poppy rockish something. It’s not even enough to qualify as nu-metal. It’s not even metal. It’s just quick blasts of guitars layered over fake drums and Tommy Lee rapping into a computer. One more time, I said Tommy Lee RAPPING. And when he’s not rapping, he’s SINGING, and all I can say about that is, it really made me want to hear him RAPPING some more.

In eleventh grade I stood among a sea of mullets and watched Tommy Lee’s drum kit first rise, then float out over the crowd. I stood there, looking up in the air, watching a true hero of the genre pound the skins and play a massive drum solo as his drum kit flew over my head. I think that’s why this hurts so bad. It isn’t just the album, it’s Tommy. If nothing else, Mr. Lee has answered the burning question that at least I had — is this a phase, or is it all over for him? At least for me, I can officially give up hope now. There’s no happy ending here. Luke Skywalker doesn’t jump out and force Darth Lee to find the good in himself. It seems we’ve lost him to the dark side for good.

Final thought: If you put out a shitty album, don’t make it easy for a reviewer to slam your album name. There’s so many jokes that could be made out of Never A Dull Moment. For example, Plenty Of Dull Moments or Never An Exciting Moment both come to mind. At least give us a challenge!

Tracks:
01. Afterglow
02. Sunday
03. Body Architects
04. Ashamed
05. Face To Face
06. Fame ’02
07. Blue
08. Higher
09. Hold Me Down
10. Why Is It
11. People So Strange
12. Mr. Shitty

Every now and then a CD comes along that is so fun and goofy that you can’t help but crank it up and enjoy it, even if you have a smirk on your face the entire time.

Thor and Mick Hoffman’s rock odyssey Beastwomen From The Center of the Earth is about as campy as it gets. Thor (a former world class bodybuilder) is no stranger to camp, having produced such films as “Rock ‘N Roll Nightmare” and “Zombie Nightmare”. Over the past three decades, Thor has dabbled in different styles of rock music. On his latest musical venture, Thor has partnered with Mick Hoffman to present an entire multimedia experience to the public.

Beastwomen (the album) follows the story of Thor vs. Beastwomen from the Center of the Earth, the comic book. Those who like their rock grandiose and over the top will love songs like “Break the Ice” and “Sleeping Giant”. Some songs are more rock, others are more opera, but they’re all cheese. What makes it even more enjoyable is that the entire production is presented 100% on the level. There’s no nod, no wink, no subtle gesture to let the listener know that Thor and his crew are any less than completely serious. Think of Thor as the William Hung of rock operas — except that I ain’t worried about William Hung kicking my ass after reading my review.

Thor and Mick Hoffman each brought half-a-dozen songs to the table. Each performer’s songs alternate, so the album almost seems like a split EP with shuffled tracks. According to what I’ve read online, Thor also collaborated with eleven guest writers on his songs. The final results are a little scattered, but if you’re worried about that you’re missing the point — and the mighty power of THOR!

If you’ve ever played Dungeons and Dragons and thought afterwards, “damn that adventure would have made a great song!” then run (don’t walk) to the nearest record store and pick up a copy of this album today. Beastwomen from the Center of the Earth is kind of like Danzig without the evil. It’s cheezy as hell and way over the top, but it’s also something that most modern releases aren’t any more — FUN.

High Anxiety is Therapy?’s tenth album in just over as many years. 1994’s album “Troublegum” was a instant classic, mixing small elements of pop, punk, thrash and metal with big parts of rock. Ever since then, fans have been waiting for the band to repeat the magic. This time around, it sounds like they may have finally done it.

Therapy? kicks off the disc with “Hey Satan — You Rock”. “Wanna spend my whole life drunk/never wanna give a fuck/Wanna walk through gates of heaven/backstage pass in hand.” Amen, brother. While not the best track on the disc, “Hey Satan — You Rock” sets the tone for the rest of the album. Rockin’ songs that don’t beat around the bush.

The album continues on in heavy rock format, almost a’la Entombed. Every track on the disc could easily be a single. There’s no ballads and no sleepers. Every track changes the formula up a bit, something Therapy? has been doing their entire careers. There’s funk, there’s punk, there’s even metal junk. If it seems like I’m trying to avoid labelling this band, I am.

High Anxiety is a true return of the band. Nine years after Troublegum, the boys in Therapy? have returned to form and released one of the biggest surprises of the year.

Tracks:
01. Hey Satan – You Rock
02. Who Knows
03. Stand In Line
04. Nobody Here But Us
05. Watch You Go
06. If It Kills Me
07. Never Ending
08. My Voodoo Doll
09. Limbo
10. Last Blast
11. Rust
12. Drug Run

I have to admit that initially I wasn’t a big fan of “stoner rock.” For years, most of it sounded like rehashed Black Sabbath gumbo to me. But, as bands like High on Fire, sHEAVY and Queens of the Stone Age slowly began to evolve the art form, unique bands have begun to break the stereotypical mold and step away from the crowd. By mixing equal parts of southern rock, stoner rock, doom and old-school thrash, The Sword is one of those bands redefining the genre — or perhaps making their own.

The Austin, Texas band’s sophomore effort, titled “Gods of the Earth,” mixes all of styles evenly into one big dirty headbanging collection. The production reeks of denim and sweaty wristbands, and J.D. Cronise’s guitarwork is a tribute to fuzzy power chords throughout the ages. Unlike many other stoner rock acts confined to a lumbering pace, The Sword picks up the pace from time to time with randomly sprinkled trashy riffs, keeping the package interesting and memorable.

Lyrically, the band keeps one foot deeply planted in Black Sabbath’s backyard, the other in H.P. Lovecraft’s grave. From Stygian visions to the River Styx, no creepy mythological reference goes untouched. Hell, track two is called “Frost-Giant’s Daughter.” That should pretty much tell you what’s in store for you.

Through a combination of memorable riffs, raw production, and a musical image that delicately balances “tribute” and “parody,” Gods of the Earth hits harder than a two-handed broadsword smashing into an Orc’s skull. Recommended to anyone who listened to Kyuss, played Dungeons and Dragons, or drove a Camaro.

01. Sundering
02. Frost-Giant’s Daughter
03. How Heavy This Axe
04. Lords
05. Fire Lances of the Ancient Hyperzephyrians
06. To Take the Black
07. Maiden, Mother & Crone
08. Under the Boughs
09. Black River
10. White Sea

If you want to know what kind of heavy music the kids in high school are listening to this week, you need not venture further than the latest action movie soundtrack. Despite the fact that MTV continues to fill its days with rap and reality programming, soundtracks like The Punisher show what kids really want to hear — rock and roll.

Unfortunately, lots of what they want to hear is really bad, generic rock and roll. I don’t know if Gloomchen coined the phrase “Puddle of NickelCreed”, but the shoe fits much of this disc. In fact, the first three tracks are from Drowning Pool, Puddle of Mudd, and Nickelback. Edgewater, Trapt, Finger Eleven and Submursed didn’t fall far from the tree and fit right in without missing a click-tracked beat.

I don’t know much about the Punisher character himself other than it’s cool to stick his logo on your skateboard, t-shirt, or back of your car because “OMG SKULLZ R SC4RY OMG WTF!!!???@?!”, but if his character is anything like this album, after he’s done hanging around with high school kids jamming to their music in the parking lot he pulls out an acoustic guitar, lights up a fatty and teaches them some John Denver inspired licks. At least I know where he got his name from now; after listening to a couple of these acoustic tracks you will feel punished too.

Once the school kids have been safely tucked into bed and kissed goodnight, the Punisher can finally start shooting people with Damageplan (featuring Jerry Cantrell), Hatebreed and Seether rocking in the background.

The rest of the songs sound like a round of “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon”. Drowning Pool’s track, “Step Up”, is the first track to be released with their new singer — however, the new singer also appears on “The End Has Come”, working with Ben Moody, HIS first track since leaving Evanescence. Amy Lee, the other half of Evanescense, ALSO appears, working with Seether. There’s also quite possibly the last Queens of the Stone Age song (“Never Say Never”) and, as previously mentioned, Damageplan’s collaboration with Jerry Cantrell. It’s the one track I actually wanted to hear a second time, and comes off like a Pantera track with Jerry Cantrell on vocals. Like Audioslave, it’s a sound that doesn’t sound good on paper but comes off okay through the speakers.

Most of the songs on the soundtrack are unreleased tracks, but in a time where most bands sound alike it doesn’t much matter. There sure seems to be a lot of trivia and turmoil involved in the bands that appear on the Punisher soundtrack, but the music doesn’t back up that excitement or energy.

“There ain’t enough holy water in this world to cleanse me” – The Project Hate.

There is beauty in opposition, a secret The Project Hate has discovered. Vicious, guttural growls meld with soft, angelic vocals. Intense drums crumble into eletronic dance beats. A gnarled, distorted guitar track plays alongside keyboards. On paper, none of these things would work this well together. Somehow here, it does.

Hate, Dominate, Congregate, Eliminate is the fourth album from the Swedish band The Project Hate, and their most musically advanced to date. The Project Hate’s sound has evolved in something almost unclassifiable. One moment, the band is as heavy as heavy gets; machine-gun kick drums, violent guitars, screaming vocals, you name it. The next, they’ve shifted into electronica, with guitars trading punches with dance beats. A few moments later they’ve switched gears again; this time, it’s a vintage piano sound, with soothing female vocals layered on top. Unlike franticly paced bands like Mr. Bungle or Dog Fashion Disco, the song changes found here dissolve slowly, methodically, and logically. The shortest track is just over seven minutes long; the longest is over twelve. That gives each track plenty of time to breath and grow. These aren’t just songs — they’re journeys.

The band’s punishing sound is surpassed by their brutal lyrics. If you thought “I Smell Like Jesus… Dead” from the band’s When We Are Done Your Flesh Will Be Ours album was savage, get ready for a whole new level of darkness. HDCE deals almost exclusively with the battle between Heaven and Hell, and TPH leaves no question about which side they’re on. “Burn, weak one, burn / Now I am god / There´s no return / Once you´ve tasted My blood / Demons lined up / Grant angels Hate / Dominate, Congregate / It´s time to Eliminate.” Most of the lyrics are growled low enough that it’s tough to catch them the first time around, but reading along with the lyrics will send shivers up your spine.

Production on HDCE is impeccable. Jörgen (Grave/Entombed) Sandström’s screams perfectly express the pain and hate found within the lyrics. The dual guitar attack by Petter (2 Ton Predator) Freed and Lord K. (Leukemia/House of Usher/Lame) Philipson presents one of the most wonderfully crunchy guitar sounds ever. The real genius comes in Philipson’s other contributions — the programming of all drums and keyboards on the album. TPH’s drums sound more “real” than half the bands with real drummers out there. The quartet is rounded out by Jo Enckell, who provides enough relief with her heavenly vocals to keep TPH from boiling over.

At 70+ minutes, the album feels twice that length with all the changes found within. First time listeners might find the album somewhat overwhelming, due to the long song lengths and lack of sonic variety between tracks. Other than that, the album borders on perfection — a fact Lord K will be reiterate on any of the many forums he visits (including ours). Those looking to mix a little Heaven with a whole lotta Hell should definitely check out The Project Hate’s latest opus.

I’ve been a fan of the Cars for a long time (Shake It Up was one of the first 45s I ever purchased as a kid) so I was both interested and hesitant about picking up It’s Alive by The New Cars, a new incarnation of the band.

The Cars were originally formed by Ben Orr (bass) and Ric Ocasek (guitar), with the two of them sharing vocal duties. Ben Orr passed away in 2000 and Ocasek declined to be a member of The New Cars. Instead, The New Cars puts Todd Rundgren behind the mic, with friends Kasim Sulton (bass) and Prairie Prince (drums) joining him. Original members Elliot Easton (guitar) and Greg Hawkes (keyboards) tag along for the ride, but a quick number check shows that The New Cars are only 40% of the old Cars.

Considering the weirdness of the whole thing, The New Cars actually pull off a pretty good show. Rundgren does impressive impersonations of both Orr and Ocasek, well enough to make me do a double take and make sure neither of them were involved in the album (which would be amazing since Orr is dead). Easton and Hawkes hold together the band’s old sound and provide their familiar backing vocal harmonies, making The New Cars sound a lot more like the original band than they probably should.

Material on It’s Alive is pulled from three sources. Along with original Cars classics like Just What I Needed, Let’s Go and Shake It Up, there are also a couple of Todd Rundgren solo tracks (which must’ve been included solely for the purpose of appeasing people who came to see him in concert) and a few new Cars tracks. The band is currently working on a full length studio album. The new songs are passable; they’re written in the old band’s style and fit well with the rest of the material.

Usually the departure of a lead singer means the death of a band, and in The New Cars Rundgren attempts to replace two famous ones. The results aren’t bad, if you can get over the whole mental part about them most likely doing this for some quick cash.

01. Just What I Needed
02. Let’s Go
03. Candy-O
04. You Might Think
05. My Best Friend’s Girl
06. I Saw The Light
07. You’re All I’ve Got Tonight
08. Not Tonight
09. Drive
10. Moving In Stereo
11. Shake It Up
12. Dangerous Type
13. Bye Bye Love
14. Open My Eyes
15. Good Times Roll
16. Not Tonight (Studio)
17. Warm (Studio)
18. More (Studio)