MTV Music Generator 3
PS2/Xbox (2004)

There’s a weird genre out there for home consoles, programs that aren’t really games but actually programs that stretch the limits of what videogame consoles were originally designed to do. One such franchise is MTV’s Music Generator series, the latest of which (Version 3) is available for both the Xbox and PlayStation 2.

MTV’s Music Generator series debuted on the original PlayStation back in 1999, and suffered due to the console’s hardware limitations. Without much memory or storage space to work with, the original was more frustrating than fun. Version 2 (released in 2001 for the PS2) added tons of new samples and tools, but the program was too complex, convoluted and cumbersome to win gamers over. MTV Music Generator 3 is by far the best of the series – now that the novelty is over, developer Mix Max and publisher Codemasters have dumped all the fluff and created an honest-to-goodness music sequencer for current generation console owners. The interface is slick enough to have you rockin’ the block in no time.

MTV Music Generator is a sequencer, a program that allows you to create music by putting samples (digitized recordings of sounds) in order (or, sequence). Sequencers have multiple tracks, with each track able to hold one sample. These tracks are then all played at the same time. MTV Music Generator 3 supports 24 simultaneous tracks that appear in a large, easy-to-maneuver grid. The speed at which the song plays (known as Beats Per Minute, or BPM) is adjustable. To build your song, all you need to do is place a sample in a track and then click on the small boxes when you want your sample to play. These tracks are built one at a time and can then be played back, copied, stacked and looped.

Out of the box budding musicians get ten songs to remix and/or deconstruct. This is a good way to jump in and learn the basics of the program’s interface, however the sample choices here are limited and it’s pretty tough to actually make a bad-sounding song since all the samples are pre-snipped to the correct length. Plus, in remix mode you are limited to four channels. The true power of the program isn’t revealed until you dump the remixes and start creating your own tunes from scratch in studio mode.

MTV Music Generator 3 has literally thousand and thousands of samples to choose from already built into the program. Who knew there were a hundred different types of snare drums? If you want to tweak your sounds, there are several different effects such as delay, echo and reverb that can be added to each track as well. And if you still can’t find the perfect sound, you can sample in your own (up to 8 seconds in length). The Xbox version supports creating samples from any music already ripped and stored on your Xbox hard drive. The PS2 version allows you to record music samples directly from audio CDs. This obviously opens up an infinite world of samples to little song maestros, the only limit being one’s imagination.

Unfortunately, the program’s output options aren’t nearly as robust. All your creations have to be played back using the program itself; there’s no “export” feature to dump your creations to MP3 and no way to share them online with others. To get your audio creations pumping in your car, you’ll either have to hook your console’s audio cables up to your computer and record it that way, or simply seatbelt your console into the front seat of your ride and wire the whole thing into your bucket’s stereo. Pimp my ride, indeed. The program includes a visualization mode (think Windows Media Player) that will show cool visuals while blasting your beats at your next house party, although the words “cool” and “playing music you made on your Xbox at a party” should never be used in the same sentence.

It would be easy to dismiss a program like this by simply saying, “it’s not as robust as computer-based sequencers,” and that’s true. Programs like Fruity Loops and Sonic Foundry’s Acid do offer more features, but they also come with a higher price tag and a steeper learning curve. MTV’s Music Generator 3 gives fledgling beat makers a place to strut their stuff with its simple interface, huge sample library and sampling ability. Serious musicians may eventually outgrow the program’s limitations and be frustrated by having to constantly switch cables to record their creations to MP3/CD, but the program’s ability to allow users to create completely original music will give amateur composers hours of fun jamming time.

MotorStorm (Demo)
PS3, SCEA (2007)

Coming around the dirt track’s final corner, I pour on the boost, blowing by trucks at blinding speed. As I pass the pack and blaze toward the finish line I look back at them. As I turn around I only catch a split second glance at the boulder I’m about to smash into. My car flips end over end in slow motion as fenders fly in one direction and tires bounce in another. Upside down I see racers passing me by, none of them foolish enough to look back at me. Going from first place to fifteenth never happened so quickly.

SCEA’s demo for their upcoming mudslinging title MotorStorm may be my favorite game to date for the PlayStation 3. The demo, available as a free download through Sony’s online store, is just under 700 megs and may take gamers an hour or more to download and install. The wait is worth it.

The MotorStorm demo is limited to one track and two vehicles types. Players can choose between two different trucks (with three different paint jobs) or two different motorcycles (also available with three different paint jobs). Obviously, the big heavy trucks handle much differently than light, nimble motorcycles. Bike riders can also throw punches at and kicks at opponents a’la Road Rash. The game itself is 100% arcade racing action. Steering is performed with the left analog stick, while the PS3’s new “triggerish” R2/L2 buttons dish out the gas and brakes. Each car also comes with boost (limited by temperature) and a handbrake, handy for sliding close to (but hopefully not off) ravine edges. Gamers can swap between 1st person and 3rd person views, and honk their horn in vein at vehicles in the way.

MotorStorm features some of the most spectacular videogame crashes ever. Plow into a rock, billboard or guard rail at top speed and you’ll see parts of your truck fly off in every direction. As your car tumbles end over end in slow motion, the game’s virtual camera swoops around the action, noting every detail. The motorcycles don’t explode quite as well, but then again you get to see your poor biker’s body thrown around like a rag doll.

The power of the PlayStation 3 is immediately obvious through MotorStorm. The graphics and framerate are top notch. The framerate blasts along at a steady rate and Sony claims that the full version (which also supports online play) will be even faster. Throughout the game mud constantly flies and sticks. Ruts are formed, items are destroyed, cars are dented. Dirt accumulates on your windshield. The devil is in the details, and MotorStorm is definitely devilish.

However.

MotorStorm demo is still a demo. As such, I encountered multiple bugs in only a short playing time. One frequent bug is that the game occasionally starts without sound effects, with only the background music playing. A quick stop/restart fixes it, but it probably happens one out of every ten games. I also experienced a few wonky collision sequences — during one motorcycle crash my rider hit the ground, began spinning, and took off into the sky like a helicopter. It took almost 30 seconds for him to return from the stratosphere to the brown dirt below.

The full version of MotorStorm has already been released in Japan, but SCEA (desperate for a killer app at this point) continues to tweak the game before its US release. Sony, if you’re out there, here’s what the game needs:

– split screen racing.
– online racing (apparently, already done).
– a way to turn off/abort the crashes (they look great but get old).
– ability to rip/insert your own music.

I’ve spent over $200 on six PS3 games, and I show off the system to friends using the free MotorStorm demo. I can’t wait to see the full version later this spring.

Mini Desktop Racing
Nintendo Wii (2007)

In Mini Desktop Racing you race mini (as in tiny) cars that also happen to be Mini (as in Coopers). And unless you have a collection of Mini Cooper tattoos, the odds of you enjoying this title are smaller than a mini Mini.

Using the same game engine as Rig Racer 2, Mini Desktop Racing also shares many of that game’s craptastic qualities. The games’ menus are identical (sans the background wallpaper), and after playing one game after another you will understand the concept of “shovelware.” Mini Desktop Racing was released for the PC and PS2 back in 2005, but apparently the lure of making a few bucks off of uninformed Wii owners was too great to pass by.

In the mid-80s Galoob introduced Micro Machines, miniature toy cars about half the size of Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars. In 1991 the first of many Micro Machines videogames were released, a series that appeared on everything from the NES to the PS2. All eight games feature miniature cars racing on oversized race tracks. Of course Micro Machines does not have this market cornered; other games, such as Toy Story Racer for the PS1, also featured miniaturized racers competing in real world locations. And while Mini Desktop Racing is another game within this genre, it adds nothing new to it. The tracks are uninspired, the graphics are a step back from the 2002 Gamecube Micro Machines game, and the game’s controls are downright weird.

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Micro Machines (Gamecube, 2002) and Mini Desktop Racing (Wii, 2007)

Using a unique and somewhat bizarre control scheme, steering is performed by pointing the Wiimote at your television screen and twisting the remote left or right as if you were opening a door knob. Other controls, like brake/reverse, are mapped to places like down on the d-pad. Of course, blaming this game’s failure on its wonky controls is kind of like blaming the stinkiness of a turd on a single peanut. The game’s graphics are barely on par with PS1/N64 launch titles, and the game’s music will have you talking about the great graphics. The tracks are all simple, similar, and headache-inducing. Gamers begin with one vehicle choice (not much of a choice, really) with promises of unlocking more, but I couldn’t bring myself to play long enough to find out.

By mixing a horrible control scheme with boring tracks and awkward controls, it’s almost as if Data Design Interactive is daring you to hate this game. Well, Data Design Interactive, I accept your challenge. This game is awful.

Millipede / Super Breakout / Lunar Lander
GBA, DSI Games/Atari (2002)

DSI Games’ latest game pack consists of three games, Super Breakout (1978), Lunar Lander (1979), and Millipede (1982). DSI has a consistant track record of offering gamers two newer games (Gauntlet/Rampart, Paperboy/Rampage, Spy Hunter/Super Sprint) or three classic games (Pong/Asteroids/Yars’ Revenge, Centipede/Breakout/Warlords) per pack. This pack contains three classic Atari games, although none of them will hold your attention for long.

Super Breakout is the sequel to Breakout, the spiritual successor to Pong. As Mitch Hedburg once said, “The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They’re relentless.” The same goes for the miles of bricks waiting for you in Super Breakout — eventually, you’ll lose. Other than Pong itself, there is really no more simplistic game. In Super Breakout you control a paddle and must bounce a ball against a wall of bricks. DSI’s port plays exactly like the original arcade version, which is no technical feat of wizardry as most cell phones can do the same thing.

No more technically impressive but slightly more entertaining is Lunar Lander. In Atari’s first vector game, you must land the Lunar Lander on one of several landing platforms, varying in size and difficulty. Each thrust of your engine uses some of your fuel (which cannot be replentished), so you’ll want to make adjustments sparingly throughout the game. In the arcade you could buy more fuel throughout the game by inserting additional quarters, but that’s not an option here. There are several different difficulty levels to choose from, but a finite fuel supply guarantees your game will be over in just a few minutes.

Millipede, the newest game included in the pack, is the sequel to Atari’s Centipede. Millipede these days would be called “Centipede, Part II” or, at best, be a free downloadable expansion pack. Back then though, a couple of program tweaks equalled an entirely new game. In Millipede, gamers must defend themselves from waves of centipedes, this time backed by an army of inchworms, beetles, mosquitos, spiders and even earwigs. Yes, earwigs. There are also now DDT bombs on the playing field, which release bug-killing clouds of poison when shot.

None of the three included games originally used a joystick. Lunar Lander handles the best with the GBA’s control system. Millipede is (at best) “okay” — while it’s difficult to be accurate, at least it’s not as frustrating as Super Breakout is to control. Which, in it’s defense, is no worse than playing any other game designed for paddles with a joystick and/or d-pad. My average game length in Super Breakout is about 37 seconds. Lunar Lander games last upwards of two to three minutes, which makes a five minute session of Millipede seem like a marathon. In all three instances, my interest level lasted about the same length as the games did.

Midway’s Greatest Arcade Hits
GBA (2001)

Arcade cabinets stand between five and six feet tall, weigh between two and three hundred pounds, and can cost anywhere from hundreds to thousands of dollars — but thanks to the various retro compilations available for the Gameboy Advance, you can now fit several “arcade games” in your front shirt pocket (without the splinters). Arcade games are a great match for portable gaming systems; rarely lasting more than a few minutes, they’re perfect for gaming sessions on the go.

One of the first arcade compilations released for the Gameboy Advance was Midway’s Greatest Arcade Hits, released in November of 2001. Featuring Joust (1982), Defender (1980), Robotron 2084 (1982), and Sinistar (1982), the collection presents four conversions sure to make those who remember the arcade versions raise an eyebrow. It stands to reason that by cramming four gigantic arcade cabinets into one itsy-bitsy Gameboy cartridge, a few things might get squeezed out. A lot of crammin’ and squeezin’ went on here.

Defender is probably the best of the four games, which isn’t saying much. The game’s simplistic graphcs (the background is a jagged brown line on a black background) are reproduced faithfully, but the gameplay doesn’t seem right. The aliens are more aggressive and move faster than I remember. And forget about sitting still and firing in both directions — you’ll be alien target practice in no time. Catching falling humans is almost impossible due to the small screen area, and using the map at the top of the screen will get you killed. It’s not 100% accurate, but it is action-packed and playable.

Every review of Robotron must begin with a whine about how the controls are not authentic, so here’s mine. In this version, you can only shoot in the direction you are facing, which inherently means you are constantly running toward the things that are trying to kill you. Again, the graphics here are not the problem — it’s that the gameplay itself isn’t the same. I realize that certain changes (such as controls) must be made when porting a game between systems, but changing how the game plays isn’t acceptable to a purist. The rest of the game is fairly loyal.

I didn’t play Sinistar much as a kid, so all I’ll say is this game is basically impossible to play. In Sinistar you fly around for a few seconds bouncing into asteroids until things kill you. I have read that the Sinistar is being assembled and crystals need to be collected, but to be honest I don’t think I ever got that far.

Joust, which most cell phones can now faithfully replicate, is the most disappointing of the four. This version plays more like a cheap fan-made shareware clone than the real thing. Again, it *looks* like Joust, but that’s where the similarities end. The sprite detection is atrocious, the screen is crowded (the platforms were squished together when the screen was changed from vertical to horizontal), and the animations are choppy. When porting a popular game that people have been playing for 25 years, you’ve GOT to get it right. They didn’t.

The problem with retro compilations is that the target audience has been playing these games for a long, long time — and as such we know how they’re supposed to look, sound, and play. If these were four original games I probably would have given Midway’s Greatest Arcade Hits a higher score. They’re fun in their own right, but when all you can think about is how different they are from the original, it takes away from the fun.

Midway Arcade Treasures 3
PS2/Xbox/GCN (2005)

Midway Arcade Treasure 3, the first themed disc in Midway’s series of compilations, delivers eight different racing games that offer something for everyone. — however. due to the fact that the titles vary so much in style and age, it’s doubtful anyone will care for all of them. Fans of the older games on the compilation will get headaches from the flashy newer titles, while the current generation of games will scoff at what used to pass for racing entertainment.

The current generation of racers are represented by four titles: Off Road Thunder, San Francisco Rush: The Rock, Rush 2049 and Hydro Thunder, the last two of which appeared as stand-alone Dreamcast titles. Those with a need for speed will surely find what they are looking for in one of these four games. What is there to say about current racing games that hasn’t been said? Race laps around tracks in the car (SF Rush), rocket car (Rush 2049), boat (Hydro Thunder) or truck (Off Road Thunder) of your choice. Off Road Thunder is the worst looking of the four with muddy textures and sloppy handling; the other three look visually stunning and play as expected. Most of the newer games allow multiplayer split-screen racing action.

The 2D era is represented by two-and-a-half top-down racers, Super Off-Road, Super Off-Road Expansion Pack (same game, additional tracks) and Badlands. Both games are presented in a slight isometric view, similar to Atari’s Championship Sprint. Surprisingly enough, modern analog sticks serve as decent steering wheel replacements in these games. The control system using the triggers for gas/break and the analog stick for steering gives you good control, a must in any racing game. Super Off-Road has always been one of my favorite SNES titles, so it’s nice to finally own a home version of the real game. Bandlands plays like a futuristic version of Championship Sprint where your cars have been outfitted with weapons.Fans of Champinship Sprint will recognize many of the game’s sound effects which also appear here. These games also allow for multiplayer action, as all the action takes place on one screen.

The “wow, these used to pass for racing games” department is represented by Race Drivin’ and S.T.U.N. Runner, two games that waded into the world of 3D graphics by using few polygons and even less textures. As a kid growing up, the thing I remember about both of these games is that (at least in my arcade) they both had really large, unique environmental cabinets. The Race Drivin’ cabinet resembled a big yellow driving simulator that you got in, adjusted the seat, and even had to push down on the clutch and turn a physical key to start! S.T.U.N. Runner’s cabinet looked like a huge futuristic motorcycle bench you sat on to play. In context and during that era, they are interesting games that show where the industry was headed, but most gamers checking them out will be doing so out of curiousity’s sake and not for any given length of time. Race Drivin’, the sequel to Hard Drivin’, is probably the most cumbersome title on the disc. Both of these games are one player only.

Despite the fact that all eight of the disc’s games were originally played with controllers other than standard joysticks, all three modern consoles’ analog sticks allow the games to be playable. Joystick control for games designed for steering wheels is never perfect, but here it’s adaquate.

Missing this time around are the extras, those little bits that make these compilations more than just collections of games. No configurable controllers, no trivia, no interviews, no unlockable goals, no nothing. Even the menu is stark, filled with a single generically rendered arcade game. The “extras” link from the main menu allows gamers to choose between watching an Ed, Edd and Eddy commercial and the game’s credits. Fortunately, suicide isn’t offered as a third option (it would be a tough decision).

Midway Arcade Treasures 3 is a good but not great collection. Midway’ has taken a step backwards here by offering fewer games and extras than on their previous Treasures discs, but ultimately the games themselves play perfectly and deliver as advertised.

A lack of variety and not enough titles keep Midway Arcade Treasures 3 from ranking higher. “Treasure” may be pushing the status of some of the games on this disc. True fans of racing games will get the most mileage out of this collection.

Midnight Club 3
PS2/Xbox (2005)

A couple of weeks ago I picked up Gran Turismo 4 with the intention of reviewing it for the DP Wire. The problem is, I quickly discovered I don’t like the Gran Turismo series. I didn’t like #3 and I didn’t like #2 and I didn’t like #1, and I’m not really sure why I thought I’d enjoy #4. It’s great eye candy, but eye candy is a dime a dozen on modern consoles. I don’t care about the realistic angle of the game; realistic cars at high rates of speed cut me off every day on my morning work commute. Call me old school, but if I’m going to spend my time driving around in a video game, I want to go fast, I want to live dangerously, and I want to be cool. Midnight Club 3: Dub Edition lets me do all those things.

Midnight Club 3 (MC3) picks up where MC2 left off, and is everything it’s predecessor was and more. MC3 has bigger maps, more traffic, and more vehicles than ever before. Over 50 licensed cars are available this time around for gamers to race, modify, and smash. To go with those cars, you’ll automatically inherit all the obtainable skills from MC2 to go with them (such as nitrous, drifting, turbo, two-wheel driving etc) as well as the opportunity to earn several new skills like agro, roar and zone. Once you’ve mastered both the way your car looks and rides, you can take your set of wheels online to go head-to-head against racers around the world (MC3 supports online racing for both the PS2 and the Xbox, as well as the Xbox’s System Link).

I’m not a huge fan of import racing (whoever convinced an entire generation that a Honda Civic is a racecar is a genius) and fortunately MC3 includes some motorcycles, SUVs and muscle cars for us less-hipsters to cruise around in as well. Regardless of what you think about big wheels on little import cars, MC3 is a blast to play. Like GTA3/GTA:VC, Rockstar has loaded up these virtual versions of San Diego, Atlanta and Detroit with tons of items to collect and places to drive. The longer you play and the more races you win, the more your map will expand. And of course, the more races you win, the more things you will unlock and money you will earn, which can be used to “pimp your ride”. Of course, all that pimping is completely optional; if you simply want to floor it and go fast, you can do that too. I haven’t read up on the technical specs, but the game’s engine seems to hold its own with Burnout 3 and NFSU2.

Midnight Club 3: DUB Edition is currently available for the PS2 and Xbox and is coming soon to the PSP.

Mick and Mack as the Global Gladiators
1992 (Sega Genesis)

Thanks to GameRush’s recent .99 cent sale on all their older used games, last weekend I picked up another 30 Sega Genesis games to add to my ever-growing collection. After we got home and were able to sort through our treasure, I let my son dig through the pile and pick out what we were going to play first. His selection was Virgin’s Mick & Mack as the Global Gladiators.

From the outside of the box, it is next to impossible to detect that Global Gladiators is in fact a McDonald’s-based game. While the back of the box touts that Global Gladiators features great graphics, great sounds, and a nice environmental clean-up theme, it fails to mention that the secondary goal of each level is to collect all the spinning McDonald’s arches and present them to Ronald himself at the end of each level. The looming golden arches in the background of the main menu inform gamers that you may have just stepped into the commercial zone.

The game begins with a quick introduction showing Mick and Mack reading a Global Gladiators comic book in their local McDonald’s. Suddenly, Ronald McDonald appears and magically sends our two heros directly into the comic book (too bad they weren’t reading a Playboy). Mick and Mack’s goal is to clean up the environment in order to return back home.

Fortunately for us, both Mick and Mack are armed with goo-shooters, guns which shoot goo that travels over and down in an arch-shaped fashion. Your goo-shots are unlimited, and you’ll need an itchy trigger finger to destroy all the Goobers, Squeak-Beaks, Snappys and other enemies you’ll encounter in this comic book world.

Brightly colored and nicely drawn, Global Gladiators debuted in 1992 during the height of side-scrolling platform games. Fans of other platform games like Earthworm Jim, Vectorman and Pitfall The Mayan Adventure should know exactly what to expect. Global Gladiators’ levels are big and scroll far, so expect to spend a few minutes hopping up and down just to see how far the levels actually go. During your exploration you’ll run into plenty of enemies, most of which fall into one of two categories; those which shoot, and those which run back and forth to guard a small area. Both can be effectively dealt with using your goo-gun (which shoots recycled, non-toxic goo apparently).

Global Gladiators contains four different worlds, each consisting of three levels each. In order to beat the game you’ll need to work your way through Slimeworld, the Forest, Toxitown and the Arctic. In order to complete a level, players must collect at least 30 miniature spinning McDonald’s arches and present them to Ronald McDonald himself at the end of each level. Collect more than 75 and you’ll be taken to a bonus round which involves collecting garbage (thrown out from your local McRestaurant, perhaps) and place it into recycling bins.

Overall I found Global Gladiators to be a pretty enjoyable platformer. The whole recycling theme feels a bit forced, and it wouldn’t surprise me to learn that Global Gladiators was an already existing game that McDonald’s purchased and forced their logo into. Despite the McTheme, Global Gladiators comes off as a solid game with plenty of room to explore and lots of enemies to defeat. Despite the fact that I’d never heard of this game before, Digital Press ranks it as an R2, which means it should definitely be affordable should you run across it. Global Gladiators is reflective of the other platformers of the time, which means it’s fun, it’s easy to learn, and you’ll probably die while jumping a lot.

A final thought It is my understanding that a large portion of the proceeds of this game went towards the Ronald McDonald House. My question to you is, just how big of a house does that clown need?

Metal Slug 4/5
PS2 (2005)

The next generation of game consoles promises us more realistic graphics, high definition video, and amazing audio. Blu-ray discs (which will be used in Sony’s PS3) hold 25 gigs per layer. Videogames of the future will be more realistic, more in depth, and more robust than ever before, featuring improved advanced intelligence, more interactive gaming and more features than ever before — which makes it amazing that the run and gun Neo Geo game Metal Slug (1996) continues to appear on gamers’ “favorite games” lists everywhere.

Metal Slug is a 2D side-scrolling shoot-em-up series that features hand-drawn graphics, a wicked sense of humor, a lot of explosions and a lot more enemies. Fans of the series are extremely loyal. Shelling out the cash for a Neo Geo MVS arcade cabinet to play Metal Slug is not uncommon among fans. In fact, it’s often seen as “the cheaper route” to playing the original Metal Slug at home. A Metal Slug 1 cartridge for Neo Geo’s own AES system can cost $2,000 or more!

Despite being a sure-fire winner in the sales department, the six game Metal Slug series (1, 2, X, 3, 4, and 5) have had a difficult time finding their way to anything other than Neo Geo consoles. US fans wanting to play the original games at home have their choice between Metal Slug X (Playstation) and Metal Slug 3 (Xbox). Handheld gamers have the additional choices of Metal Slug Advance (Gameboy Advance) and Metal Slug Missions 1 and 2 (Neo-Geo Pocket Color). Import gamers have it slightly better, with Metal Slug 1 (Sega Saturn/Japan only) and Metal Slug 3 and 4 (PS2/Japan only) at their disposal. Now, five years after the console’s debut, SNK has finally ported Metal Slug 4 and 5 to the Playstation 2. Woo hoo!

For those completely unfamiliar with the series, Metal Slug games are all about running, shooting, and blowing up as many nouns (people, places and things) as possible. Shooting as fast as possible by button mashing pays off far greater than thinking ahead or using any sort of strategy. From rifles to lasers to grenades, tanks, planes, and just about anything else you can imagine that shoots or explodes, Metal Slug dishes out the action faster than you can pump quarters into it. Metal Slug’s “claim to fame” (other than its frantic action) is its hand-drawn graphics, which add a ton of detail and often humor into the game.

Metal Slug 4 is a mixed blessing for fans of the series. While the PS2 version game plays identical to its arcade counterpart, most fans of the series aren’t big fans of Metal Slug 4. Many of the game’s graphics and backgrounds were recycled from older Slugs. Metal Slug 5, however, returns to the series’ roots. Just like their arcade counterparts, both Metal Slugs support co-op play, so that you and a friend can co-blow your way through the games.

And speaking of blowing your way through the games … it shouldn’t take you long. With an unlimited amount of continues, even newcomers to the series can blast their way through either of these games in under an hour – which is okay for an arcade game, but not for a full-priced home console game. It’s the same challenge that’s been facing quarter-suckers since Gauntlet first appeared on a home console. If you can continue indefinitely, endurance becomes more valuable than skill in finishing the game.

While old-school gamers and fans of the series will no doubt be thrilled to finally get to play Metal Slug 4 and 5 on their PS2’s, kids who have grown up on polygons and CD-based games may have a hard time seeing what all the fuss is about. Both groups may wonder why this double-disc release doesn’t include ALL the Metal Slug games, which would help justify the package’s $40 MSRP.

Mail Order Monsters
Electronic Arts (1985)

In the fall of 1985, my parents opened Yukon Software, a computer store specializing in PC, Apple and Commodore software. Every week I drooled over the stacks of brand new games my parents received to stock their shelves with. Occasionally I’d talk my dad into letting me open a game to demo it on one of our in-store computers. Mail Order Monsters was one of those games. The thought of building and battling monsters really appealed to me as a young teenager, a fantasy Mail Order Monsters delivered.

In Mail Order Monsters, players purchase and battle “morphs”, short for Mail ORder Psychon Heroes. There are twelve different morphs available, ranging from dinosaurs and insects to giant worms, squids and even a carnifern (a killer tree). Each morph has individual stats, such as armor, muscle, speed, mind, and life, and one or more extras which fall under one of four categories: means of movement (burrow, teleport, etc.), means of attack (spit, sting, claw, fiery breath, etc.), defenses (anti-thump, anti-psi, etc) and natural aids (hands and tentacles, healing, etc). Each morph comes equipped with a couple of extras, but all of them can be purchased for the right amount of psychons.

After picking out a morph, building his stats and arming him with a few extras, you can further arm your morph in the weapons shop. Those who spent too much money in the morph-building stage will most likely leave with only a sword or a Boorang. Those who saved their psychons for a rainy day can purchase cooler toys like Lapistols (a quick-firing laser pistol), Mindsinks (which attacks your opponent’s brain, confusing them) or the always effective bombs. You’ll also need to stop by the sundries department to pick up ammunition for your weapons (food is considered ammunition for physical attacks). If you have any money left you might want to pick up some armor on the way out. Some morphs, like the mutant crab, have pretty strong natural armor. Others, like the giant amoeboid, not so much.

Mail Order Monsters offers three different levels of gameplay. Beginner mode, essentially an arcade mode, allows players to simply pick a morph and go fight. In Intermediate mode, players rent a morph and get 1,000 psychons to spend on goodies. In Tournament mode (which would be called career mode today), players buy morphs and store them in their corral. Tournament mode is the most challenging, giving players only 500 psychons to spend. You’ll need to be pretty quick on the joystick to survive the first few rounds. The coolest thing about tournament mode is that your morphs are actually saved to disk, so successful players can build a stable of monsters to have on-hand.

All three levels of gameplay offer three different game formats: Destruction, Capture the Flag, and The Horde. All three games pit you against a second morph which can be controlled by either a second player or the CPU. In Destruction mode, morphs battle each other until either someone wins five battles, or a morph is totally destroyed. In Capture the Flag, players race across a world map chasing flags. The flags are numbered 1-8 and must be captured in order; however, the flag’s numbers aren’t readable until you get up close to them. Each flag is being guarded by a warrior (which your opponent will control when you try and capture a flag). In The Horde, a massive wave of monsters invades your map. You and your fellow morph will have to prevent the hoardlings from reaching the bottom of the screen. Whoever kills the most wins. If one reaches the bottom, you both lose.

One of the neatest things about Mail Order Monsters is the insane amount of combinations available within the game. Certain weapons are only available to certain creatures. Others, like the multi-firing laser rifles, require tentacles (which, oddly enough, can be purchased) to operate. There are so many different types of attacks and defenses that no morph is ever 100% invincible. The strongest armor in the world won’t protect you from a wave of psi-blasts, and likewise a psi-helm is no defense against a run-of-the-mill missile. Another cool feature is that each player gets to pick one of two battle variables, which keeps battles fair. One player gets to choose the type of terrain, while the other gets to choose the style of battle. Even the most deadly land-based creatures move slowly over hills and through water — that is, unless you purchase a teleporter …

Each battlefield consists of two maps — a “world view” (in which your morph is a tiny colored dot) and a close up “battle view”, in which your morphs come to life. The battle sequences resemble the one from Archon (which comes as no surprise; programmer Paul Reiche III worked on both games). As your morphs run around on the battlefield, you’ll have to aim and duke it out on the terrain you’ve chosen. Win and live to fight another die. Morphs with multiple attacks can switch weapons mid-fight, but chance leaving themselves vulnerable while doing so.

Mail Order Monsters was a great idea for a game that was implemented relatively well considering the platform’s limitations. The graphics are adequate but lack detail. The weapon swapping system is one of the biggest frustrations, forcing you to stop moving/attacking during a battle to swap weapons (leaving you wide open). And, as with most “uncracked” software, Electronic Arts copy protection and drive routines were incompatable with most fast loading cartidges, causing long load times in between battles. For a while my friends and I built up morphs in Mail Order Monsters and then got together for big battle competitions, but as computer graphics and general gameplay evolved we moved on to bigger and better things. Our monsters were eventually shuffled off to morph retirement homes and spent their final years talking about the good ol’ days.

Fans of King of the Monsters, Rampage, and other monster-mashing games will get a kick out of this game. While its graphics may have not aged well, Mail Order Monsters was an ambitious title for the platform and is still fun to play today.