Freddy Got Fingered (2001)

30 minutes into Freddy Got Fingered, I had already witnessed Tom Green slicing open a deer and wearing its carcass, two different horse dicks (one of which Tom Green had his hand wrapped around), Tom Green delivering a baby in a hospital (and subsequently biting the umbilical cord in half and then swinging the baby around by it, covering the room with blood).

And, so on and so forth. Freddy Got Fingered stars Tom Green as Gordy, a 28 year old loser who has dreams of becomming an animator. Even that one line makes the movie sound like it has more plot than it really does. Along the way, Gordy gets a job in not one but two different cheese sandwich factories, dates a blow-job loving parapalegic, masturbates an elephant, and gets kidnapped by terrorists — but mostly, Gordy just drives up and down the west coast, being an idiot and dropping the f-bomb as much as possible.

It’s tough to complain too much about Tom Green in a Tom Green movie — and that’s all this is, a Tom Green movie. And technically, it’s not really even a “movie”, per se, where things follow a logical stream of consciousness. It’s more just an hour and a half of Tom Green being a moron, performing skits that no one but him gets which run too long and never lead anywhere.

To try and cover up the fact that he is the worst actor in the history of movies, Green surrounded himself with an equally shitty cast. Rip Torn and Julie Hagerty (Airplane) do a good job of making Tom Green look not so horrible. Eddie Kaye Thomas (Freddy), Harland Williams (Darren), and Anthony Michael Hall (Dave Davidson) seem out of place in the movie as actually semi-talented actors.

Those of you really glutton for punishment should check out Green’s commentary track on the DVD. “There’s me grabbing a horse cock” is a line you don’t get to hear every day. The majority of the commentary track consists of Green describing every scene. “See, there I am, I just walked in. Now I’m talking to that guy. Now he’s talking.” Another great (sarcastic) thing about the commentary track is Derek Harvie (the other writer) is in the room, but not mic’ed up, so there’s several times where you only hear one side of a conversation.

The best part of the Freddy Got Fingered DVD is the 3 minute long PG version. Even at three minutes in length though, it’s too much Tom Green for me.

During the commentary track, Green describes part of the movie as a “wacky Three’s Company” episode.” Maybe Three’s Company minus most of the plot and with more animal cocks. In several scenes Green confesses “we thought of that the night before” or “we adlibbed that” — and it shows. It would be tough for me to recommend this film to anyone — surely everybody who even remotely likes Tom Green has seen this film by now. If you haven’t heard of him or seen this by now, don’t waste your time. I paid $5.88 for it in Wal-Mart’s bargain bin, and the only bright side is that I can use the disc as a coaster and recycle the case for another movie.

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